Dad re-married, how to settle? Feel comfortable?

@elena01

I hear you, and I completely understand why you’re feeling this way. Adjusting to a new family dynamic is not easy, especially when it feels like everyone else has already settled in while you're still trying to find your place. Three months might feel like a long time, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s still early. It’s okay to feel like an outsider right now your feelings are valid.  

Your dad’s advice comes from a place of love, but I know it’s not as simple as just “acting like home” when it doesn’t feel that way yet. Building connections takes time, and it’s not just on you to make that happen. It’s okay if you’re not close to his wife yet; relationships develop naturally, and you shouldn’t feel pressure to force something that doesn’t feel organic.  

That being said, small steps might help. Maybe start with little interactions sharing a meal, asking about her day, or even involving the kids in a lighthearted activity. Sometimes, people don’t realize how distant they seem until someone takes the first step. And if she’s hesitant to engage, it may not be because she doesn’t care, but because she doesn’t know how to approach you either.  

Give yourself grace. Comfort doesn’t happen overnight, and there’s no timeline for when you’ll feel at home. It’s a process, and it’s okay to take it at your own pace. Just know that you’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to feel the way you do. You belong, even if it doesn’t feel that way yet. Keep showing up as yourself, and in time, things will start to feel a little easier.

@elena01

Hi,   

      I have read the above lines. I do understand things from your point of view. Truly speaking it is a new Environment for you now and for her. Your Dad should have taken initiative and should have created an Environment where both of you might have felt comfortable. But it seems he did not try to do and on the other hand he was asking you to take initiative. Sorry to say but he seem to be Selfish. 

        As you are now aware of the situation. Try to take initiative and try to talk to her and try to be Friendly with her. By doing so you both of might feel comfortable and will not he like strangers. If you keep silent and similarly if she keep silent without talking to each other. The gap will start and it might lead both of you no where except losing peace of mind. Try to take initiative from your side and be Friendly and talk to her so that you both can become good Friends besides a Mother and a child.

Hi Elena. I read the earlier posts and I believe you’re in good hands with the other authors. You may consider and look into inviting your dad’s wife and her kids to your school events? Invite her to drop you off to school or pick you up from school? (Ask your dad if these are good ideas). Organize family game nights for everyone or movie nights. Help cook with her in the kitchen so you both can chit chat and get comfortable with each other. Suggest a family cinema trip on a weekend? These should help as some icebreakers for you. Rooting for you Elena 🤍. Your Dad is right, it’s your home. Perhaps he trusts her so much as to believe that she loves you as much as he does and so didn’t even bother to get you two attached? But it’s definitely a situation that you can have fun changing. Don’t look at it as a crisis, if you can. Look at it instead as a new fun challenge to bond with your new family. (I’m not discounting that your dad definitely side stepped you, which I truly am sorry about, but he’s probably weak in that area or got carried away by the excitement of new love. Try not to be mad at him. Instead, find creative ways to bond bond with them and welcome them into your home. They didn’t come to take over your home, they came to join you in your home. Welcome them in your own sweet way and show them all they’ve been missing out on without you and your dad in their lives all this time. I think from your dad’s statement “it’s your home, act like it”, he clearly is confident in your security of being an UNDISPUTED member of his family, and is confident that you’re his. It’s clear he doesn’t see why the change should affect you at all, he wants it seamless. Can you make him proud where that’s concerned? He clearly trusts his new wife and he trusts you and he trusts you with her and her with you. Should you feel lucky? I think so. I think you’re in a really beautiful position. Not having an evil step mother is a positive too. 🤍