Dad and his new wife making me uncomfortable
So my dad remarried and I moved in with him and his wife. She has two kids from her previous marriage (ages 3 and 9). My dads wife is nice and all but her only issue is the excessive physical / intimate needs. This makes her touch my dad a lot and sometimes inappropriately even when I'm there or in public. She keeps flaunting her love bites/hickies and doesn't evenly try to lower her voice when they are being intimate physically. our rooms are next to each other and hearing them makes me uncomfortable. I find it hard to live comfortably in a place that's suppose to be home. I stay in my room most of the time so that I don't see or hear anything and I find it unfair that I feel trapped just because of her actions
l understand everyone has needs and all that but must it really be known when they're being intimate? I feel awkward, weird and grossed out.
@elena01
I am sorry to hear that you have to face such awkward and unpleasant situations.
I think things like showing up to my kids with my new partner are often a sensitive matter, and it is not a crime to show SOME affection publicly, but in a soft, balanced, moderate way, with some respect to other people's (especially children's) feelings.
How would you feel about mentioning it to your father in a kind and informative way? I mean like telling him the excessive noise from their bedroom is disturbing to you.
When your parents' marriage failed, they both have the right to be happy. But this does NOT mean you have to be an unwilling witness of their new partners showing their intimacy.
I believe this woman should be more mindful and more delicate, because she is stepping on a very delicate ground.
I did mention it and he felt bad that it was making me uncomfortable in our home. He asked his wife to tone it down but she got really upset and said “you’re denying me my rights as a wife with her husband in the comfort of our own home” and she is now giving me the cold shoulder. I’m not asking that she loves him less or doesn’t show affection at all towards him. Im happy that my dad found happiness and I totally understand why my parents aren’t together so it’s not that I’m against his marriage or dislike his life. I’m simply asking for more effort into making private things more private because the concept of “everything has a time and place” doesn’t exist with her at all.
Dislike his wife***
@elena01
I think "freedom" is always accompanied by "responsibility". Maybe your dad's new wife is not yet accustomed to that. But I believe she should. "There are kids/teenagers at home" - this sentence should be clear enough for any responsible partner or parent in my view.
@elena01 I can understand how you'd feel about it. Feel free to message me and we can talk about your feelings....
You must feel mortified. It's really hard to be in your position. In the future it might be an issue for your step siblings. It's especially difficult to walk on eggshells to try not to say anything to offend anyone. Sometimes people are not aware of everything that they do .
@elena01
Have you spoken up to your dad or both of them? Sometimes a couple does not always see what they look like to others. Or did not consider your point of view.
If you are to make this your home too.. is there another room you could move to ?
I did tell my dad. He felt bad and talked to his wife about toning it down but she got upset. She said he would be denying her rights as a wife with her husband in the comfort of their own home. She’s giving me the cold shoulder now. I’m not asking for her to love my dad less or to not do what every other couple does. All I’m asking is more effort into making private things more private which to hear is an unreasonable request? The concept of everything has place and time doesn’t exist for her and her argument was “so what? I heard my sister be intimate with her boyfriend for a year it’s normal”
@elena01
It sounds like she wants you to be uncomfortable.
Her excuses seem super flimsy she has some self esteem issues if she wants to put you in that situation. especially if she felt uncomfortable having to hear her sister. It is not an unreasonable request on your part.
I looked up on internet on studies on noise like this and most studies suggest she may be faking and trying to boost his ego. makes her look bad in any light.
@elena01 I am sorry you have to go through this. I can definitely understand you because my sister sometimes does this with her husband. Not toooo much but enough to make us all uncomfortable.
