pressured with mum's expectations
hello i need some advice. i recently decided to pick myself up to try to do things for myself after feeling helpless. i finally want to start doing things for myself but there's a lot of stuff going on in my family that makes my mum upset (i was her main emotional support from my childhood until adulthood). i can't help but to ignore my plans just to help my mum because she needs it and no one else can really help her (since i'm already there and home all the time i feel like i can't say no). i already am going to therapy to help focus on my personal and career goals, but i don't know, i feel like i just need to push myself to do things because i seem to be the problem. i feel so stuck and like my feelings of anxiety that my mum will be upset that i won't help her are crippling me and preventing me from doing what i want in life. i don't know how to live for myself i think, because i always put others first. how can i break free from this attachment and focus on my own goals?
@creativeCat8614
I sound like it's been hard for you emotionally being your mom's only supporter for so long. Are there other family members who could offer her support so that she doesn't have to rely so heavily on you to meet her needs? Does she have friends she could receive support from? It sounds like she may need to step out of her comfort zone instead of being so reliant on you to meet her emotional needs, perhaps? Do you think she would be open to the idea of building new relationships with others?
I can appreciate how you are feeling stuck because you want to help her as much as you can but you also crave a life of your own to pursuer your interests and goals. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to create relationships and bonds with others outside of your home though I can understand how that might create feelings of guilt for you. What suggestions has your therapist shared with you in reaching your goals and finding ways to get unstuck?