never feeling enough for my parents
for context: im 22 and still live with my parents (am asian so i cant move out). i also currently am seeing a counsellor.
as the eldest child, i have always grown up to be the one to take care of my parents' emotional needs (especially my mum's) before my own. i'm sick and tired of a lot of things, because i feel like whatever i do to please my mum, she will always be upset about something in life. and i really bend my way backwards/drop everything to help her. but as for my emotional needs, she does not have the emotional maturity to understand what i'm going through and belittles my problems. it's so funny how when she tells me i need to 'have confidence in myself' when she's the one determining who i am all along, moulding me into what she wants for an ideal child. i've been harbouring these anxious and depressed feelings for too long, i want to break away from them to find myself, yet i feel immensely guilty for trying to discover who i am while my family's problems are poured onto me. i don't think i can ever be myself around them, it's suffocating and i'm so tired.
@creativeCat8614
It sounds like you are going above and beyond to to care for the emotional needs of your family. Especially your mom's emotional needs. Her emotional immaturity doesn't allow her to see anything beyond her own emotional needs meaning she may be unable to empathetic or understand that you also have needs, wants, and desires of your own. It sounds like she uses gaslighting to manipulate you into feeling you are not doing enough for her. I can see how her manipulation makes you feel depessed and anxious. I think the feelings of suffocation and exhaustion you have are relatable since, it seems, she puts all of the pressure on you to fulfill ass of her needs. It's not fair for her, and your family, to push that responsibility on you. I realte to the guilt you've described for having a desire to discover your self while still wanting to support your family. You mentioned you are seeking counselling. How is that going for you? Do you think there could be ways to discover and explore the world as a young person while you are living in the family home? Maybe taking a class you find interesting, exploring a hobby you've wated to try, or a job outside the home?
