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When does someone cross the line of unforgivable

marijuanasoup September 17th, 2021

My mom was terrible to me until I turned 16 and she finally grasped the reality that she couldnt use me as her emotional punching bag anymore cause I was at the age where I could finally stand up for myself. The last 2 years she’s been trying to be better but that doesn’t mean she has been. I understand all she wants is a relationship with me but I can’t forgive her for the years and years of nothingness she made me feel. She has ruined touch, eye contact, compliments, my physical appearance, and my self esteem over the years of never being enough for her and i can’t get past that. I want a relationship with her but my hate for her is rooted so deeply that I don’t know where it starts and I end. I know I’m hurting her so deeply by denying her a part in my life but I don’t know how to get past all the trauma she has caused without her at least acknowledging what she has done.

1
RarelyCharlie September 17th, 2021

@marijuanasoup I suppose only you can decide when your line has been crossed. When you write, "I can’t forgive her for the years and years of nothingness" it makes me think your mom crossed the line years ago, but when you write, "I know I’m hurting her so deeply" it makes me think you've really forgiven her already.


Sometimes, in order for people to move on, I think there has to be a long period of complete separation. Years and years, to match the years and years you suffered. It might allow you to heal, and it might allow her to become a very different person. Sometimes therapists can help people with these things. It would be a way to avoid saying "unforgivable" and saying instead "perhaps forgivable one day, but not now". But I'm no expert, and this is just a thought.


Charlie