Thoughts about lashing out
My mother has been slowly burning me over an emotional issue that I have stated my feelings on many times. I have used therapy tools to stay calm and respectful and to listen to her needs. After a month of the daily issue, she acted on this and I finally lost my cool, hit the roof and said nasty words to her. Later, I apologized and we talked it out...again. On later reflection, I have to say that it bothers me immensely that people are never supposed to get to a point where we lash out, otherwise we are in the wrong. I understand why every other tool has to be used first but why do we have to apologize when pushed into a corner, that we were mean at that point? This makes me very upset, as it seems a powerless, no-win set of circumstances.
Isn't it ridiculous?
Here you are being pushed and poked and prodded by some aggressor, and when you've had enough, everything is your fault and you're being "mean" and how dare you.
I agree, this is all insanely stupid.
This is not how the way things should be at all, and the idea that the person who's backed into the corner should be responsible for the aggressor's behaviour is not right. We're not supposed to remove consequences from the aggressor.
There is a difference between being "accepting" and "unbothered", and being a pushover.
Moreover, you have the right to be angry.
People like your mom can have as much of a tantrum as they like when you no longer bow to their every whim, but you deserve the right to be angry. You deserve to have a voice and stand up for yourself, enough is enough of this nonsense, and you shouldn't be sorry about it!
I hope you can find support with your emotional issue with someone other than your mother.
@CowAtSeven You seem to understand this type of situation very well and to have a clear insight that cuts right through the emotional baggage, to get at the heart of the issue. You also seem - from what I can gather - to be strong in the face of this kind of issue. All of this is deeply inspiring to me, and helped to relax me and remember that there is a goal to reach for (calm in adversity, especially with loved ones) and there is proof of other people who have reached it (like you).
I can only say a heartfelt thank you and hope that you realize how much your support meant to me, and your words will continue to mean to me as this issue continues (which it is). Many thanks and my warmest wishes to you.
@gentleEast8898
You're too kind! I'm glad you're feeling better! :)