Recent grad, moved back home, I cry every night
I just graduated college and have moved back into my childhood bedroom with my parents. I plan on staying here for a year to save up some money to live on my own, and then they’re moving out of state.
My parents still work. My mom gets home before dinner time. My dad works from home but isn’t off until 9 every night. Around that time, my parents sit in the living room and watch shows. I try and go out there at night to visit with them but I also really value my alone time. I’ve been beating myself up and crying in my room at night because I feel like I should be out there with them but I can’t get myself to a lot of days. On top of that, during the weekends I’m usually hanging with my friends and that’s when they’re off. I feel like I’m neglecting my time with them but I also feel that since I’m 23, I need to have boundaries and my own life. I’m really confused and having a hard time coping because, as much as I hate to admit it, my parents are getting older, as they all do, and I don’t like seeing it happen. My parents seem happy that I’m here and haven’t complained but I feel this overwhelming sense of guilt. Does this make sense?
@pinkLion7006
It makes sense. As children, we want our parents to accompany us throughout our entire life even if they aren’t living with us. We just want that ability to make that phone call - to know they are there.
My mother always tell me “ I am already so old, but I still want my parents. I want someone to lean on, to know I can always call them, to say they love me, and to always know they’ll be there for me.” In my culture, that’s what parents are. They are your pillars.
I advise you should always make time for your parents when time is still on your side. They aren’t just aging but also you never know what kind of event will take them away. My brother passed this January from a car accident with a DUI driver. He was the most stubborn and fearless in my family. He had so much gut that nobody thought his light would be muff off just like that. One day he was there and the next day, it was the police officers telling us he had passed. All his goals which we were just talking about 2 days prior, and my camping trip plans with him and the family went out the door. One of thing I regret is that we don’t spend a lot of time together as we too busy trying to be financially stable. Now it’s too late.
Don’t wait. Don’t say tomorrow or later. Cut some of your alone time to enjoy something with them. Setting boundary doesn’t mean you have to spend less time with them.
Idk how your parents are, but in my culture, when we have good parents, they are our greatest treasures. Cherish them. :)
@pinkLion7006
I forgot to add. It does make sense. As children, we want to show our parents we love them and care.
I hope you don’t feel too much guilt. I think somewhere, somehow, you’re just reminding yourself to spend time with them.
Love and light.
@pinkLion7006 Hello. It sounds like you feel torn between what you feel obligated to do (spending time with your parents) and what you want to do (having your own life). Your parents seem happy with how things are so you don't have to change for their sake. Guilt, on the other hand, is never satisfied with your efforts, doesn't help you to make the best decisions for yourself or for others, doesn't care about your needs, and only tears you down and makes you feel miserable.
If you feel that you will be happier spending more time with them, then spend more time with them. If you feel you will be happier spending more time by yourself or with your friends, then spend more time by yourself or with your friends. Whatever you decide, you deserve happiness, not guilt. Letting go of guilt can help you not only to find happiness during your alone time, but also when you're with your parents because it will feel more like an opportunity rather than a chore. I hope this helps. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more about this.
