Pressure from family
My older sister has a lot of mental health problems and my parents blame me for all of her issues. It’s terrible, they outright tell me it’s my fault she is depressed and it’s my fault she has no friends. She’s really mean to me so I don’t like her, I know I could be nicer but being told it’s my fault if she harms herself has taken a huge toll on me. I’ve also been told that any other issues in the family that exist are my fault as well. I’m just a kid, this is so much to carry constantly.
I don’t want to live at home anymore, I can’t be responsible for my families issues, but I will never be financially stable enough to leave. I’m stuck. I can’t talk to them about it because when I say “you can’t blame me for her problems,” they say “yes we can, it’s your fault.” So basically there’s no hope.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's totally unfair to be blamed for your sister's problems or anything else in your family... Being stuck in that kind of situation must feel so overwhelming, But I want you to know that what they're saying doesn't define who you are or your value. You deserve to have people who support and understand you, not this blame and guilt :( DONT FEEL LIKE THIS!!
It might help to talk to someone outside of your family about what's going on, maybe a teacher, a counsellor, or another adult you trust? Sometimes getting a different perspective can make a big difference.
Just remember, none of this is your fault, okay? You deserve to feel safe and supported at home, no matter what.
@courteousOcean9942
Oh man do I know about pressure from family as I’ve been constantly getting it since I was born. It’s mainly been from my toxic mother but over time my stepdad, one of my older sisters and sometimes my brother too but he pressures me the least out of all the aforementioned family members so most of the time I can tolerate him.
I’m sorry you’re being blamed for all of the problems happening in your family. I’ve experienced that too. So I know how much it sucks. But there’s always a way out so never lose or give up on hope about that. Is there any friends or other family members like cousins or anyone like that you can stay with to at least reduce the mistreatment of the family members you live with??? Or anyone you trust enough to talk to about this? You can message me if you wanna talk about it with me.
@courteousOcean9942
Hi CourteousOcean,
It sounds incredibly overwhelming to feel blamed for your sister's issues and to be shouldering such a heavy burden at home.
It must be really difficult to hear those accusations from your parents and to feel trapped in a situation where you don't feel understood or supported.
How have you been coping with all of this on your own?
I'm so sorry you're going through this! It sounds incredibly unfair and overwhelming to be blamed for your sister's mental health issues and other family problems. The pressure of being told you're responsible for her potential self-harm must be extremely distressing. It's completely understandable that the relationship with your sister and your parent's refusal to listen has left you feeling trapped and hopeless, but please don't lose hope!
Have you been able to find any support for what you've been going through outside of your direct family, (i.e. your extended family)?
I can understand How you feel when you are facing all these things. Getting adverse experiences from family now a days is very common. But we need to deal with it together because maybe it is normally happening but its consequences may be last long.
@courteousOcean9942
This sounds really upsetting. I have a couple of questions. Why is it that your parents believe your older sister's mental health problems come from you? Is it only because you aren't "nice" to her? I'm curious where these accusations are coming from. Not that it would validate them in any way just a way to frame our minds about it. And I'm also wondering why you feel like you'll never become financially independent enough to move someplace else? I'm not saying a short term solution but in the long run. What have other people said about this situation and if you haven't spoken to others, what advice would you give yourself given this problem? You say you're just a kid, so I'm curious how old you are because honestly for your parents to unload this guilt onto you is unfair especially if you are just a child. My mother tries to blame me for her current financial issues and she's always blamed me for her (baby) weight and I'm 34 years old. And even as an adult that hurts because it's misplaced guilt/blame. It's good that you're reaching out for support, and I hope me or some others will be of some support to you here.
