Mixed emotions about my family
I'm the oldest out of 4 kids. 2nd year of college so far. My brothers are 16 and 9. My sister is 10.
Today, my mom told me that she saw how hard I was trying through middle school and high school. She also apologized that she and my dad were always busy and didn't pay as much attention to my siblings and me. I have many emotions about it, but I'm happy to been seen after these years. I think she told me this because today a psychologist has confirmed my brother (16) had depression on top of his ADHD. I wasn't too suprised because my brother and I did have conversations relating to our past behaviours of self-harm. I thought it was normal for some reason, but might just be that I was just used to constantly finding others with pessimistic thoughts like ours.
Anyways, with my parents busy. I always felt responsible for my siblings' mental health and being, since our parents are more old-fashioned and not to emotionally open with us. I'm happy that they all rely on me, but it gets tiring and it may be that I have no outlet yet.
Other then that, I am also very concerned for my sister. She's slowing getting closer to becoming a teen and her negative thoughts are starting to grow more as time goes by. I'm trying to help her alter it and especially remind her that emotions and expressing is nothing to be ashamed of.
I know my parents are trying this best and are busy, but I don't know how to tell them. My dad is especially VERY hard headed and he's one that all my siblings refuses to even emotionally interact with. Let's put it simple that he thinks sending them to time out or taking away their electronics can fix all the emotions and issues.
God, it's a mess and I don't know where to start or what to do. Then, me feeling lost and unmotivated with myself doesn't help either. Some guidance is much appreciated.
@SweetSugarBoost Hi there. I hope this message finds you well. I am really sorry to hear about everything that is on your plate. You are so strong and I'm sure you're going through a really hard time right now. You are an amazing sibling for being there for your siblings and I'm sure it's not easy going through all of that without any support. I want you to know that I hear you and you are not alone. Just remember that you are not in control of your parents' actions and you are not responsible for how they treat you. You are doing your best and I am so proud of you!! Hang in there! We are all here for you <3
@SweetSugarBoost Wow, it sounds like you have a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders, especially for a college student. Being the oldest of the family can make you feel somewhat responsible for younger siblings, too. It is really great that you were able to talk to your brother about self-harming thoughts in the past, and that you are trying to give tips to your sister. However, I hope you also realize that their actions, and the reactions of your parents, are their own, and not something that you can control. I applaud you for all the emotional work you have put into helping your family move through past hurts and try to get to a more healthy place. I hope that you can continue to be a source of support and encouragement for each of them. Please also take time for you, because you cannot pour from an empty cup. What do you enjoy doing for self-care? Who do you have in your life that supports you?
Once in a while, I'll do a bath, karaoke by myself, or do something art related like painting. I have my aunts who are always there to lend an ear when I need it. My family very much supports me, but I tend to have a hard time fully expressing. With that, I've recently started journaling. I'll rant on one page then reflect on the other. I do forget at times that there are things that I can't control and that I can only do what I can do in those situations.