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SweetSugarBoost
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PathStep 8 Compassion hearts77 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes31 Current upvotes31 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceOctober 6, 2022
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Struggling with Siblings
Family & Caregivers / by SweetSugarBoost
Last post
 Sunday
...See more Quick backstory, I'm a college student and the oldest out of my siblings. My parents are more old-fashioned and don't do well with emotions. My dad works a 8-5 shift and my mom is a registered nurse that works night shifts. My two brothers has ADHD (18 - ADHD and 11 - ADD) and my sister is 12 (going through a heavy flow of emotions + hormones, since she's aging). With that, I have been just doing college and trying to help my parents with my siblings + keeping them on top of their school. As well as their things, I usually just tell my mom how things are going and more. I've recently been having a hard time working with my 12 year old sister and 18 year old brother. My sister has been lacking behind in her class, so I try to help her with her homework and add in bits of practice. I have no clue how to help her not do I want to assume that she may have ADHD. She is smart and can do thing, she just lacks motivation. If nothing is too her benefit nor liking, she won't do it properly or in general. I do try to help her manage her workload by dividing it and setting timers for her for breaks + when to work, since she's easily overwhelmed. Thing is that she won't focus in on it and wind up staying way later trying to do her own things. I try to tell her there are times to do that and times not, especially telling her to be open with me. My base plan isn't helping, but she doesn't quite want to tell me if she does or doesn't like certain parts of it. I wind up getting frustrated myself and telling her "Well, I don't know how to help if you don't tell me." This causes her to get very emotional and upset, then she winds up self-harming. The same about goes for my 18 year old brother. I know he gets overwhelmed easily and needs his own breaks, but he'll literally stay up in his room for about the whole day after I pick him up from school. He doesn't have the patience to help me either with my siblings and would get upset when they don't listen to him. His tone is especially rough and he gets easily frustrated. Then, he'd especially get mad when we remind him of his chores (everyone is assigned 1-3 to help with around the house). He is very prideful and stubborn himself in his ways, refusing to ask for help. Like I am literally the last option for emergencies if all of his plans don't work. He struggles with expressing his emotions as well and wind up self-harming, too. Recently, he was diagnosed with depression along with his ADHD. I'm just feeling stuck at this rate and it doesn't help when my parents aren't well with emotions with them. Both of my 12 year old sister and 18 year old brother has major beef with my dad. It's due to the way he is with messing around with them, shoving expectations on them that he can't meet himself (we all see it, but him), and making things seem simple when there's more to it. He's very stubborn in his ways and thinks everything he's doing is right and nothing wrong with it. Then, my mom is our breadwinner and at her wit's end herself. Always tired and planning, so I don't expect much from her. This whole thing has me frustrated and overwhelmed because I don't know how much more direct I need to be. Like I try to be open and help, but I don't know how to help when they genuinely don't say anything nor want to. It makes me feel like I'm asking for too much and can't even ask for anything. Like, I'm about ready to give up and say "Well, it's not my problem and I shouldn't care.", but I can't do that because they're my family and I'll be lying to myself. If I suggest family consulting, I know my dad for sure won't want it at all. What do I even do now? Where do I even start?
Feeling uneasy after my parents arguing
Family & Caregivers / by SweetSugarBoost
Last post
 December 19th, 2022
...See more On my other forum, I mentioned that my parents got into if bad about a week ago. Tw: Suicide + Self-harm Back to the last arguement, my mom mentioned taking herself out because she was done with my dad's control and crap. She said she just wanted to be with her parents (both are deceased). My grandparents (from my dad's side) came over to resolve it. It has been almost a week now. We went Christmas shopping this week and she mentioned that she put the life insurance under my name. She said if anything happens then it'll go to me out of my siblings (who are all younger). Something about that made me uneasy. It's getting closer to my grandpa's (mom's dad) deaths anniversary, which he committed suicide. He committed suicide in the first week of January and on New Year's told everyone that it was going to be a good year. Should I confront and ask my mom? I'm scared and I know that if she's gone, I'd need to care for my younger siblings. I don't want to conflict my brother who's 2 years younger because he's already struggling with school and has depression due to my parents' old fashion ways. I know for a fact that my dad won't care as much for us and do his own thing. He doesn't even knows what my siblings and I like.
What am I supposed to do as the oldest sibling?
Family & Caregivers / by SweetSugarBoost
Last post
 December 14th, 2022
...See more So much unpacked tonight and I don't know what to do. I'm the oldest of four. How am I supposed to keep it together and the family at a certain normal? Tw: Family issues + Mental Health + Self-harm My parents got into it harder then usual to the point that I know my mom has reached her breaking point. I'm so scared. I don't know if they'll divorce and I know for a fact that my dad may not allow it at all. My mom lost both of her parents, so she has no one to really help protect her if my dad does something stupid. I know my grandparents on my dad's side will always side with my dad, even if things may go bad. She wailed,wept, and cried out. I'm so scared to leave my mom just with my dad. Tw: Mental health + Self-harm Within this time period, my brother the 2nd oldest was up. I have found the core of my brother's (16) depression leading to his self-harm. Out of the pressure of the argument,he poured out to me. I'm so scared and confused. Do I tell my parents about that, too? I know that these arguments are contributing towards my brother's depression as he feels the need to try to fix it up. What do I even tell my two other siblings (9 & 10) about our trip tomorrow?
Mixed emotions about my family
Family & Caregivers / by SweetSugarBoost
Last post
 October 9th, 2022
...See more I'm the oldest out of 4 kids. 2nd year of college so far. My brothers are 16 and 9. My sister is 10. Today, my mom told me that she saw how hard I was trying through middle school and high school. She also apologized that she and my dad were always busy and didn't pay as much attention to my siblings and me. I have many emotions about it, but I'm happy to been seen after these years. I think she told me this because today a psychologist has confirmed my brother (16) had depression on top of his ADHD. I wasn't too suprised because my brother and I did have conversations relating to our past behaviours of self-harm. I thought it was normal for some reason, but might just be that I was just used to constantly finding others with pessimistic thoughts like ours. Anyways, with my parents busy. I always felt responsible for my siblings' mental health and being, since our parents are more old-fashioned and not to emotionally open with us. I'm happy that they all rely on me, but it gets tiring and it may be that I have no outlet yet. Other then that, I am also very concerned for my sister. She's slowing getting closer to becoming a teen and her negative thoughts are starting to grow more as time goes by. I'm trying to help her alter it and especially remind her that emotions and expressing is nothing to be ashamed of. I know my parents are trying this best and are busy, but I don't know how to tell them. My dad is especially VERY hard headed and he's one that all my siblings refuses to even emotionally interact with. Let's put it simple that he thinks sending them to time out or taking away their electronics can fix all the emotions and issues. God, it's a mess and I don't know where to start or what to do. Then, me feeling lost and unmotivated with myself doesn't help either. Some guidance is much appreciated.
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