Looking for stability.

Im a father of two really cool fun kids. 12 & 14.

The 14 year old is on the spectrum and his emotions can be very unpredictable. There mother left us about 6 years ago, was a single dad doing my best. Now in a new relationship. We really care about each other. She says she wants to be there step mom. At first I was excited. But now it's feeling very difficult. We have different views of how to raise kids. I try really hard to talk these differences out. I don't feel like I blame her or tell her she's doing thing wrong but she definitely takes it that way. She never had kids of her own so I'm sure there is a lot of insecurities for her. Anyway talking is hard for me now because I feel the need to avoid arguing. I have depression and anxiety so sometimes I don't have the energy. I know there isn't a magic wand I can wave these things take work and time. But now it hasn't given me time for myself. I've been neglecting my needs. I've brought this up to her and I don't feel any support I don't feel understood. We're even in therapy... ( Made sense to start early to both of us after are failed previous relationships). We're always talking about how to have healthy conversation. But outside of therapy it feels like these things don't matter to her. I know that's just my perspective. ( Story I tell myself). But I really need a good productive healthy conversation about me. Not feeling confident that's possible in this relationship. Feeling stuck again.