Issues with my sister

@persistentBeach9141

wow this sounds a lot like my terrible relationship with my older sister! I can relate to you and my sister is like your sister.

my relationship with my sister isn’t actually terrible. We are close in some ways but I do get frustrated often so I just playfully use the word terrible.

anyway, I would take the list you wrote here that you so well articulated and bring right to her.

invite her for coffee and tell her you have some important things to discuss and just go over the list with her, one by one, explaining certain feelings while giving her the opportunity to chime in. Let her give her opinions but do not let her stop you from giving yours. This should be an attempt to fix the relationship not tear her personality down or put her down or be negative and attack her character in anyway, you are having this talk to be closer to those you love and the talk is important to you because your relationship with her is important to you because you value it. Make that very very clear, probably start the conversation with that other wise she’s most likely going to feel attacked and get defensive quickly.

The only way to get through this is to talk directly with her about it.

it will be terrifying but so worth it.

When you say “ I have a short temper and while its usually under control, there are times I blow up at he” I think that happens as a result of bottled up annoyance. Once you have this conversation I feel like you will feel better and maybe not so quick to control and react. I think your mind goes shoot, she’s doing it again. Ugh I hate this. And that’s when you sometimes react, but if you find a way to calmly and nicely dialogue with her about what’s REALLY going on here, communication on both sides will get better.

Take the conversation slowly and be nice about it. Imagine someone was coming to you with this information. Do it gracefully while firm and direct but not to mean.

@warmheartedPlace887

Thanks for all of the advice! Right now, I'm focused on getting through my college finals, so I'll most likely talk with her after I'm finished with them. Until then, I'll definitely keep your advice in mind while I'm planning what to say when we talk. And thanks again, all of this advice is really helpful!

@persistentBeach9141

set a goal to do it after your finals and before the holidays… so you can’t back out!

In person is best so nothing is misunderstood. Or maybe a face time.

Also when doing something like this use a lot of I feel sentences “I feel like you often times do xyz for example change plans frequently. I feel better when I know things in advance, obviously we can’t always feel in control and life happens but it would work best for me if you yxz for example always text me a heads up when plans change.

I feel like you always make fun of me for example (when did she make fun of you) when I try new things but trying new things is really difficult for me to put myself out there so I would like it if you didn’t make fun of me but acted more supportive.

When you do that it’s way less of an attack on someone’s character

You know she’s going to say something like I didn’t know this stuff bother you so much, come one lighten up. And she may or may not take your words seriously.

the important thing is that you are putting your words out there. You deserve to be heard. Your feels and opinions matter.

@warmheartedPlace887

After the argument my sister and I had today, I really needed to hear this. She just kept talking over me every time I tried to speak, and I felt so defeated like what I wanted to say or how I felt didn't matter. But even if she tries to do that when I talk to her about all of this, I'm not going to let her shut me down again. She needs to learn to listen to me as much as I need to learn to speak up to her when we have a problem.

@persistentBeach9141

YES

You can even say that to her! You can explain you know she’s excited to speak but you have things you need to get off your chest also and she needs to respect that. You know, say please stop. Let me speak, let my finish my sentences and get out what I need to say and then I will be open to hearing your response. But when you cut me off I feel like you don’t heave me, value my opinion, care about me whatever it is you feel….

Also try to explain to her that you are not trying to argue. Just have a healthy mature conversation.

if you feel yourself getting mad takes couple pauses and breaths and remember exactly why you are doing this.