How to get over past hurts?
Hello all, last year was a bit of a rough year for me in a number of ways. However, of all things I carry around (which are still a few, but I am working on it) one that hurts me most is how I broke off contact with my parents and others. Last year I had put my trust in a number of people, and as it turns out that ended up in the worst way possible, leaving me to totally seclude myself out of self-necessity, especially for example from my parents, who I've barely had a serious conversation with in a year since I cut them off. It is not that I do not wish to talk to them, it is just my trust is so seriously sored, especially since in that period last year things just ended for worse whenever I opened up to them. Since the beginning of this year, fortunately, I found an amazing therapist who I'm so grateful for and who I've been making great strides with, and that helped build my trust back up, but I am still struggling with getting over the past. I do not want to be on barely speaking terms with my parents, but whenever faced with them or whenever they ask me personal questions all the hurt just comes hurling and I just remove myself/withdraw because I know the alternative is to scream at them in frustration which I do not want to do (I am not living with them anymore, have my own home), I see this as something that I must make sense off by myself, but I am not sure how to go about this.
Sorry for the wall of text, has anyone perhaps met with similar conditions? Am greatly appreciative for anyone sharing their story or just general thoughts if any come to mind 😊 my therapist is really great but unfortunately my sessions will end soon so I'll not be able to work with her so I thought I would ask you guys
@KittyKeats
I'm so sorry. Healing past hurts takes time and patience. would you want to talk with a therapist on here?
I had a wonderful therapist that I am no longer able to see - it's painful to have that support, then lose it. I am sorry about that, and sorry that you have the issues with your parents. It's very painful to have to break off toxic relationships, especially with family members, but sometimes it's necessary for you to be okay.
Can you set boundaries with them? If they ask personal questions, can you tell them that you would rather not discuss it? Can you tell them you were hurt by their actions and you're feeling difficulty trusting them? If you are unable to do that, I totally understand. My sister had to tell my mom things like that, and my mom deflected. Sometimes people can't see past themselves and how their actions negatively affect others.
I'm pulling for you!
I just want to applaud you on being able to cut your parents off. I cannot do it (I really really want and need to). That shows how strong you are! My parents are both narcissistic and abusive. Of course they think they are great which led to a very traumatizing life so far. They still treat me like a child even tho I’m 26 with my own child. I want to just cut them out of my life completely cause I know they will never see wrong in themselves so they aren’t ever going to change but I just can’t seem to do it. They live in Florida and I live in West Virginia so it’s kind of an out of sight out of mind kinda thing until they call or visit. I don’t want the calls or the visits because it’s just very draining and does more damage than good. But I can’t tell them that. I have a few reasons but I feel like I just use my reasons as excuses because I’m too afraid to stand up to them. I want my daughter to have her grandparents in her life but at the same time I always question if they’d treat her like they treated me. I really wish I could just be done with them and move on but so far I haven’t been able to muster the courage to actually do it. So I just wanted to let you know that you are an inspiration! If you made it through cutting them off then I’m sure you can make it through this! One day at a time and if they really wanna have a relationship with you they will make the changes needed!
