How to break the cycle od toxic positivity
In mu family we always tried to put ouselves in the position of not believing wrong things about the future but in most of the cases , in my believe, we actually denied the truth
Kindly ask if you can help me with some advice to get them out of the positivity cycle into the reality.
Thank you !
@qwerWater3739
while always believing in the positive can result in denial of some things but In many respects it is better then those who focus only on the bad. Is is tough to maintain that sense of positive sometimes ....but not worth the trouble to try to change their desire to see good.
do you feel like you see a more balance approach but play positive with family?
@toughTiger6481
I am not sure what could be the more balanced approach. But you are right regartind seeing the good in different situations
When replying i realized that i project my own remorse and guilt on them...
There are things that i was not ready to talk to them about for one year now - i lack the confidence to do it and i tell muself that they will not react well.
I am not sure what is the best path...
From my side i believe is the anxiety / fear of not being good enough in general - like strong enough or patient enough for me and for them
@qwerWater3739
many items in life... WE tell ourselves how people will react based on past etc ........but in my life more often then not they do not react the way we have told ourselves/ prepared for / expected.
you can teach yourself more patience and learn to speak up it gets easier with Practice .....some people think being brave or strong just happens ......... but in reality these are skills that need practice
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for the advice. I will do this
I will try to talk more to them from small things to bigger concerns.
@toughTiger6481
I beleve i am also afraid of being rejected / my concerns / feelings will not be taken seriously
But this i cannot know until i try to speak to them
@qwerWater3739 Hi, if you are scared of talking to them it's probably b/c you already know they don't want to or interested in facing the truth or reality and they would rather be in denial. I guess it's up to you if you can try talking to them and see their reaction. I have done this before, and it was pretty clear they were not interested. They know what they did but they cannot face it. The truth is a lot of families and people have lived through traumas that they themselves had to bury and cannot face. Unfortunately this also means inflicting the traumas onto the next generation. They may have done it in reaction or "subconsciouly" or as a result of their upbringing. Unfortunately this doesn't excuse the behavior of someone who does this but acknowledging what a person has gone through often causes too much pain and turmoil in reality. They are not willing to go through the growth and or pain. Also this would mean repudiating their own background and upbringing. A lot of time when this is tied to your culture and family and silenced, it's not something that can be faced without going through extensive therapy. Unfortunately not everyone can do this due to their own limitations
@reliableWest8997
Appologies for replying late, i was a bit low energy
Thank you for the advice, i will talk to them step.by step probably... i am not.confident to take hard conversations from the start ...p
@qwerWater3739 no worries, you do not owe me an explanation. I wish you good luck whatever you decide to do.
My family is the opposite. They are so pessimistic and they don't understand that actually things are not going so wrong as they are all the time thinking. Honestly I'm trying to not care about it but it's hard. It starting to affect a lot my mental health.. I even caught myself several times thinking the same things as them. I tried to talk to them about this but they say that they are realistic and that's me who understand nothing about life.
I don't have any advice because I've never been in a situation like that but maybe try to talk to them.. maybe try to explain to them what real positivity is. For a long time I actually didn't know the difference between toxic positivity and normal positivity. I thought that toxic positivity was the normal one 😂
@23helicopters
Thank you for the advice, i will do so
I believe being positive is better, one can create friends, feel more joyfull , enjoy things in general ... 😃👍
@qwerWater3739 The cult of "positivity" can lead to a habit of personal and cultural denialism which can be disempowering and actually dangerous. In cultures where everyone is forced to put on a show of happiness and solidarity there can be immense personal isolation and suffering as any problems can be construed as someone's toxic personal failure. So if we want a truly well balanced and compassionate and supportive society we much acknowledge bravely the dark side of life with equal respect. With sound personal/cultural values we can always handle aspects of life as long as they can be traced to their true origins. If we are lied to abut trouble that deepens the disempowerment.
@greatfulArtLover7425
Thank you for your reply and appologies for replying late
I live in a culture as you described.
For my family, at one hard moment in time, we started to become less transparent within the family - hoping that this will protect some of family members that were more sensitive . It was a good thing up to a point.
Until now i never thought about the fact that lying about the important aspects in the family can lead to disempowerment.
I appologies but did not understand what you were refering to regarding the personal / cultural values and tracing aspects of life to their true origins. I would appreciate if you could detail this. Thank you
@qwerWater3739
this sounds like a case of being disconnected emotionally.
being overly positive is also like being overly negative - it's a way to avoid feelings.
try feeling your feelings...the smaller ones and being present to what is happening.
then work on grounding yourself and having a daily practice of being kind to your thoughts.
@livedexperience
Somtimes i do connect with my feelings and then is easier to see things as they are.
But then i feel like i am.misleading those around me. Like they can count on me when they cant.
@qwerWater3739
You can't break them out of the cycle of toxic positivity. Only they can do that. In my experience, you can tell someone the dirty truth about their demons but ultimately they'll either realize it on their own, or they won't.
I'd try talking to them about it and see how they react. If they listen that's great, if they shoot you down, get defensive or some negative reaction along those lines, well it's not my place to tell you how to handle that, but just remember it's nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. It sounds like there has been some deep wounds and feelings your family has been avoiding for a while. They aren't going to know how to deal with that, or with being confronted with that right away. Be patient with them.
However don't think that means that they are going to forget what you said. Hopefully what you bring up will stick with them for a long while and eventually they'll open their eyes and see the damage they are causing for themselves.
Just don't feel like you have to rush this conversation. Do it the way that's most comfortable with you, whenever you feel comfortable, and at your own pace.
Idk if this advice is helpful or not but yeah, that's my two cents on the matter :P