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Household family struggles after depression/phychosis recovery
Michelh1996 November 14th, 2023
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So my mother has been struggling with a depression and a phychosis for a while. From the moment this happened, it turned my family situation upside down. In the practical sense, with my dad basically taking over everything she didn't want or couldn't do anymore like chores, groceries etc. Luckily she has gotten so much better thanks to therapy and medications and right now she is fine again and working to get rid of the medications that have numbed a lot of feelings for such a long time bit by bit.

The thing is, that despite this improvement, she still is so very passive, mostly sitting at home, still letting my dad take care of most of the tasks and also remaining very quiet. Like when I ask stuff or want to tell her stories she is like "oh" or "ok" or "yes' and that is about it. When we discuss things as a family it is mostly my dad and me, she sometimes doesn't really respond or contribute at all. On top of that especially my dad has to put like 25 hours of work in a day to do all the stuff she could have easily done some of. Like he gets home from work, has to hurry to also get groceries or watter plants in a certain time, while she just sits around. 

These problems related to passiveness and communication bother me a lot, as I struggle to connect to her and that bothers me. It also bothers me that she doesn't seem to be able or want to see this, also that she doesn't see how hard my dad is working for her. I know it is not entirely fair because its because of her condition and now the medications that still play a big part in numbing all the feeling and have done for such a long time, but still. Some moments I get annoyed, and the fact its so difficult and maybe unfair also annoy me sometimes.

It feels like it has just been my dad and me, not really like I have had a mom for a long time. And blaming her for that and this current situation seems fair and unfair at the same time. So I am not really sure on how to connect or talk about it. Let alone improve it at the moment. Any stories, experiences or words are appreciated :)

6
downinthedumps2023 November 15th, 2023
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This passiveness will eventually pass. It just needs time. I recall similar when I first began to take anti depressants, but I did eventually regain my full character. You could try gently encouraging your mom to start doing some tasks again, people are creatures of habit, and perhaps the habits are simply broken and need to be reestablished. All will be well in the end. It just needs some time. 👍

Michelh1996 OP November 15th, 2023
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Thanks for sharing your first hand experiences! I guess I do know that and find it re assuring to hear. But since it has been going on for so long and has affected all of us I am really looking for ways to deal with it in the moment. Like with a more positive mindset and by sometimes park frustration because like I said, its not fair on her.

I did also learn more about how she would perceive this and how she might think in her situation and that it is normal for me to feel like that because that is how you would feel when dealing with someone without her condition.

Hoping to collect more info in the future and do more sparring about dealing with it and implement suggestions :)

Michelh1996 OP November 16th, 2023
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@SociusVj Thanks for sharing and suggesting. greatly appreciated! :) 

It helps me a lot to try and improve the situation at home, but also for myself. I guess in that sense it is mostly about my negative mindset towards it. Which comes from it going on for so long while slowly having a lot of impact on my and others as well. I learned that it is normal to have reactions like this, because when people without this condition would behave like this, you respond like that. But in this situation it is different of course and that makes it difficult especially since it has been weighing on us for so long.

So trying to deal with these moments like speaking/interacting and approach them more positive and dealing with the struggles of seemed uninterested reactions or compasion is a goal for me. But I am looking for ways to do that, ways that will help within these quick moments on the fly. Besides your suggestions in general of course :)

Michelh1996 OP November 16th, 2023
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@SociusVj Again, great suggestions. Especially because I am now getting more aware and learning more about the situation. Finding some new motivation to improve it. Things like humor can then really fuel that, since I am already a bit more positive in how I perceive it at the moment thanks to all this!

I feel like those negative vibes, justified or not, have been hanging around for too long.

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