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Hard to move past fights that happen with parents

courageousThinker2777 June 10th, 2023

Did you ever fight with a parent in adulthood? How do you all get past it? How do you recover from the guilt of having hurt your parents? What is parents don't realize that they hurt you too?

4
bittoomuchy June 10th, 2023

You grow up and understand that having love for you family is amazing gift you make to yourself. If you are an adult u speak with them as one and usually there ain't gonna be many people who care for u as much as they do( same goes u/them).

Every descent person have had that dilemma in their life and family fights are unavoidable for what I've seen.

If you grow and develop properly quite fast you surpass you parents knowledge and security, so most arguments would seem bazaar knowing you are right for your life choices.

toughTiger6481 June 10th, 2023

@courageousThinker2777

The transition and relationship with adult children can be hard ......... some parents do not like letting go .....or kids doing things differently in some items. Letting go is hard and they may feel left behind.

was the fight about them wanting to be consulted like they know better .... i hope not as my mother was like that and it NEVER improved.


1 reply
courageousThinker2777 OP June 10th, 2023

@toughTiger6481


Yeah, the fight was about them knowing better. That too about my wedding ceremonies which is a decision I believe I should be able to have a say in. But it's always something if not this that they know better. And this stance is followed by a series of taunts and harsh words they use to tell me how I am still not smart enough despite bring enrolled in a PhD program.


I am just tired of them telling me that I don't know things better than them.

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wittyMap7054 June 10th, 2023

@courageousThinker2777

Such conflict and situation will keep happening as parent at some age of life find difficult to say their inner thought it can be insecurity , tiredness, loneliness or separation from their kids . In your case it seem you now having your own family and taking decision on own.

I know it hurts a lot when parent don't keep patience or let us go and let us learn on our own. It tough for them to accept the change. Some handle maturely some take time or some never.

In my case below thing work well

Not trying to take their word at heart. Expressing how much they mean to you and what type of support you expect.

What made me hurt too.

Understanding my trigger with them and keep healthy distance till i myself mental sorted.

Not blaming myself for hurting them as it would bring more anger inside. But telling myself yes i did wrong but this this made it.. as my expectation were this that... Let me understand myself well more and handle it. Rather being angry with myself.

If u feel their is need of sorry than don't hesitate to say.