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Gifts and Love bombing
Daydreamer47 December 21st, 2023
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Hey,

I got really upset today because my parents sent me flowers, because I told them my cat has cancer. My mom has been emotionally abusive in the past. I have told her many times that her behavior hurt me and that I feel stressed spending time with her, but she just selectively forgets and insists on giving gifts. I also told her before that I have mixed feelings about gifts from her because of our past conflicts, but she said I was being negative and dismissed me.

I did tell them about my cat because I felt like I needed to not avoid telling them, but it feels like now the floodgates have opened where she is pushing to connect with me and disregard my boundaries about not wanting to connect with her again.

I sent her an email expressing how I feel. I did thank her for the flowers but expressed that what I really need is a verbal acknowledgment of my feelings of hurt. I feel like she most likely unfortunately will take it personally again, but I feel like I'm tired of being walked over and I need to just keep repeating "I am still hurting; I am still upset" even if she never accepts it because I deserve to stand up for myself and take up space.

Thanks,

Day

4
tearstruck December 24th, 2023
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@Daydreamer47 distance yourself if you need to. some people don't stop being abusive, even if act nice for a while. could be narcissism/sociopathy - my father and his family who we are avoiding contact with - but idk your situation. sending you hugs if okay. 

tearstruck December 24th, 2023
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@Daydreamer47 sorry to hear about your cat ❤️

tearstruck December 24th, 2023
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Hey I saw this post and thought of you https://www.7cups.com/forum/familyandcaregivers/FamilyRelationships_1722/GOODBOOKJustmerantingagain_319340/

I haven't read it so I can't recommend and not sure if you've already seen the post (sorry)

CriSun February 18th
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@Daydreamer47

People love others in different ways. I just had a lesson about 5 love languages a few days ago. I can see your willingness to receive love based on words, not just gifts, as in that case, it is really a huge grief knowing your cat is ill (I am a cat lover too). Set up boundaries to yourself is very important. sometimes we could not try to change others' behavior or opinions, however, we can change our's. You are so brave to send her emails explaining your feelings, as we recognize this emotional abuse, what we need to do is try to protect ourselves. 

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