Fear of conflict, sibling preferential treatment and not knowing what to do.

Hi...

I struggle with how to put years of issues in a concise message. But I will try.

Background:

x2 sibling, x2 parents who give preferential treatment to those siblings.

This has always been the case throughout my life, but it affects my children and I dont know what to do.

My family has never had Christmas day with my parents, they alternate between my two siblings, when I ask them round for christmas this year I get: "we dont go anywhere" or "you jealous" or "why would we come to yours for".....etc this hurts, I have told them it hurts and I just want my family to experience a christmas with you, and just to be treated equally: response: "we do treat you all equally, you are pathetic".

The above is our normal interactions.

My children have had some great achievements academically, and we invited them for a celebration dinner, but they say "sorry we dont go out" a week later my sibling partner has a gradation and they went had a dinner party, posted all over fb, when I queried them, I just get verbally shut down (I freeze and have panic attacks during conflict, they know this and they seem to do this to stop me asking, making me uncomfortable). My siblings love debating and seem to go out their way to disagree with people makes them feel good. I am the opposite, i shake, have panic attacks, stutter and physically hurt inside, I hate it. it stops me saying what I need to. How do I stop this?

Now my parents are unwell and need care, my siblings have the power of attorney for their finances and health, we were all supped to do it but they cut me out, they only seem to be interested in their finances, I found out they all went round to my parents and made a will, I was left out of this (they were gloating to me) saying you will all get the same, but my siblings have been saying "dont expect anything, we will give you what we think you should have". I get called by my siblings and I am told what to do, go do this, go do that, do the cleaning washing, gardening etc....but I get left out of all the talks about finances, and gatherings etc.....I am constantly shouted at, bullied in the family whatsapp etc....If I try and stand up for myself and say i am feeling bullied and unheard, they laugh and do it more. I ask questions etc and get ignored etc...

I dont know if its relevant but I am not well off financially, my siblings are very well off financially.

My parents always praising my siblings when for the past three weeks they have been abroad and I have been doing all their care etc.....around my disabilities and around caring for my disabled partner and child.

I know that I should walk away, but they are my family. It would hurt me more and they would not care.

I dont know how to stop myself getting these feelings of freezing, feeling sick, shaking and stuttering during conflict, it takes over my life, I cant go a day wothout thinking of these things, In my sleep at work, etc....does anyone have advisories that they use to avid this fear of conflict?