Estranged from parents
Two years ago I decided to cut contact with my parents. I don't want to go into full detail why I made that decision as there are many reasons which would take a very long time to type out. A shortened version is my mum kicked me out of the house because i went out and wouldnt tell her where (I was 28) and then when I moved out she proceeded to make false allegations about me to other family members and then told lies about trying to unalive herself. Unfortunately this isn't bad mental health, just years of awful behaviour finally coming to a point that I could no longer accept.
Although he has calmed down a lot as he has gotten older my dad used to be a very violent and angry man. Never violent to me, but towards my mum - who would tell me he do the same things to me when I was older 😳
Most of the time I'm happy with my decision. I accept that my parents will never change their behaviours and that they don't see anything wrong in the things they've done and that contact with them will only cause me more stress and pain.
However, they're getting older now (I think 65 and 70), so they don't have all the time in the world left. I can't help but wonder if I'll regret my decision after they're gone and it's too late.
And then I look around and see other parents treating their children with kindness and I just wonder what's so wrong with my parents that they don't even care to speak to their kids. I know i cut contact, but my parents dont speak to my brother and come up with lies like not having his phone number (i gave it to them and when my brother called my dads phone my brothers name came up 🤨) My mum says he talks to much so she doesn't want to speak to him. Yes, he can be a lot, but that's her son!
I just don't understand why any parent would act this way. But I have to just accept it. I can't change them. I just hate that I know the way they are has shaped me as a person.
The only person I can really talk to about my parents is my brother because he's the only person who understands how they act and what they've done. I dont know, I just think people can't comprehend that anyone could just not care about their kids. Like, we were watching a documentary about a murderer a few weeks ago and his mum was calling him and visiting him in prison and my brother said 'that guy murdered someone, and his mum treats him better than our mum treats me.'
sorry for the lack of structure in this post, i just needed to have a vent!
@convivialCurrent1937
It is hard and so many things around us make us question why we chose estrangement. Of course as time goes by we wonder what if.... my mom passed and i had barely seen or talked with her in years. long story why too... I did not get a chance to talk before she passed she was coma like. I did get a chance to spend time with my step dad and learned a lot about her that i did not know.
My siblings now are growing older have not seen them in over a decade... i ask myself but i only picture negative encounters in my head and think it will bring up bad memories. I will chose to stay estranged maybe i will be wrong but you cannot miss what you do not have. If your mum was bad before i doubt time improved it.
