Considering cutting off untreated BPD mother

Setting boundaries is essential, especially when interactions feel draining. Considering cutting off contact to create a healthier environment for yourself and your son is understandable. Finding a supportive community where you can share your experiences openly might help you navigate these feelings without the burden of cultural stigma. Ultimately, trust your instincts about what’s best for you and your family. You deserve peace and the chance to break this cycle. You’re not alone in this journey.

My ex-wife is the exact same way.  Unfortunately, I have to stay in contact with her for the time being because we share the kids.  They are teens now, which is a bit easier, but she is still an exhausting and depressing person to interact with.

I nodded hard at your description of your mother being terribly cruel and insensitive one day and expecting everything to be normal the next.  My ex still does that.

She, like your mother, is an adult and has had opportunities to understand their condition and the harm they do.  At some point, we all have to take responsibility for the way we treat others.  Which is to say, that I fully support your consideration of cutting ties with her if that's necessary for your mental health.

People with BPD are very good at activating guilt and making you seem to be the wrongdoer.  Stay strong.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I can relate from personal experience with most of the things you said. I had a troublesome relationship with my mother, although she wasn't diagnosed with any mentail illness. And, that's probably because she never wanted to go to a therapist.

After an extremely toxic relationship with her and lots of abusive behavior toward me, I went no contact in 2015. Since then she contacted me twice, and I refused to stay in touch.

If you ask me if it was an easy decision, it definitely wasn't. One of the hardest ones I ever did. If you ask me if I miss having a mother, yes I do. However, when I end with those feelings I remind myself how miserable she made me feel and what horrendous things she did to me. And, then, I realize, those emotions actually are a craving for a real nice warm mother. Unfortunately, a person my mom will never be.

You have to convince her to get medical help or put her in a institution .I'm a bpd patient I realised I was hurting my beloved once I had to be hospitalized twice once it was forcefully another time I understood the gravity of the situation. It's not a bad idea cos you will be at peace and your mother will receive treatment. Put her in a good institution where they treat her well and bare the expenses.

@Anxiouskitten23 I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I have a mum with untreated manic depression and she has done similar things.  I considered cutting her off many times,  however, I found it leaves a chronic emptiness.  Instead, I set firm boundaries in order to protect myself.  It seemed to improve things.  You have to appreciate BPD is as a result of trauma from childhood and you only have one mum in life.  Life is too short.