Confusing situation with mom

I am so confused. My mom is wonderful and I love her very much, but we've been having the same argument for years now, especially during quarantine. It seems to never get resolved; whenever we thought we resolved it, we end up arguing again.

Some background- So, during my senior year in 2014, I was applying to universities. I knew I wanted to leave home because it's a toxic environment, while at the same time, I had money issues/constraints. The local university, while not well-ranked, offered a full scholarship to me. While I did not particularly like the university, I thought it would be the best choice towards moving out without having to take debt, and I would be in the same city as family. I asked my mom if I could get a dorm or apartment if I go there, she said "yes, we'll see into that. No worries, feel free to apply".

In 2015, I start university and get a part-time supermarket job to help save up money towards moving out. I was highly stressed from the job as I was being harrassed at work and was very socially anxious there - to the point that I started having panic attacks and it was interfering with my schoolwork. Meanwhile, a new scholarship came in, and I started getting a $4000 refund after scholarships each semester, which made the part-time job seem largely pointless to me. I asked mom if she thinks I could quit the supermarket job, she said yes, and so I quit.

Fast forward to summer 2016, I just completed my first university semester while living at home, and had $6000 saved up to move out. So, I told my mom I think I'm ready to move out and went to her asking about average rent prices and utility payments (I knew nothing about those) and she said "What? No. You can't move out." I was so surprised. My father also came around and said "that's a stupid idea - why would you move out when you go to school in the same city and already have a home here." I was speechless. In 2014, they were so supportive, my father had said "we'll support whatever you want to do." and remember, mom had said yes when I asked about dorm or apartment.

I told them how much money I had saved up. Mom said "No, you don't have enough money." and father said "you'll be making the stupidest mistake of your life if you move out." I was so surprised, how could $6000 not be enough money, I asked her why and she kept repeating "No, that is not enough at all. Who knows what kind of roommate you'd find. Rent is super expensive, our electricity bill alone was $300-$400 when renting, not to mention all the other bills. What about furniture. It is really stupid to live seperate in the same city when you already have a home here." I was speechless. And I believed her that it was too expensive because I knew nothing about renting at all, so I didn't investigate further. I was so upset because I made my university choice based on being able to move out for the cheapest amount possible and without debt, and now she's telling me it's just not possible for me to afford to move out (when now I know that's not true). I could have gone to a much better, more prestigious school and received a better education if they had told me I wouldn't be able to move out iny my home city when I was applying for schools in 2014 ...

Dad added "Plus, you don't know how to drive. How would you move out without knowing how to drive??" (they had said they would teach me to drive and didn't... dad started teaching me and then got lazy and quit, giving the task to mom, mom attempted but kept being nervous and panicky while we were driving, so it didn't work, I couldn't learn with her...) And public transport sucks in our city, so it would be unreliable for keeping a part-time job... I got a part-time job that summer 2016 and then got laid off from it... was also afraid that work would interfere with my grades, so I thought I shouldn't part-time work in order to keep the gpa high enough to get into grad. school... after them, I was convinced that I couldn't afford to move-out even with working part-time, so I didn't attempt... being stuck trying to study in a toxic environment where they all smoke indoors (5 adults in the home, everyone smoking except me), all of them keep the tv super loud even at night, frequent drama/fights/and even sometimes physical altercations in the house, not allowed to walk outside of the house without their permission, can't drive anywhere... all of this made me super depressed and anxious during my undergrad years and developed different health problems, made it hard for me to learn ... I sometimes cried and tried to talk about this situation with my mom because I was so confused, to try to clarify where the misunderstandings were in 2014, why did she say yes then and now no, what about my health and future... during these talks, she would just defend herself and blame me essentially... dad was even worse... felt so confused and alone ...

Anyways, this went on for 3 years until I graduated undergrad with a 3.81 and got into a prestigious master's program. I made sure the program l was in another state and moved out!!! Had to take significant debt though because my GPA and resume weren't enough to qualify for more scholarships from grad school. Graduated from the master's program during this corona time. Had to move back to live with my parents during the job search.. Got a paid internship within two months of graduation, however, it pays abysmally low. Had 3 job interviews recently, waiting anxiously for the results so that I can move out soon! My paranoid schizophrenic drug-addicted uncle moved in with us recently and it's been a hoot. Found out my father is diagnosed NPD too. Had to almost call the cops recently because them two were about to get into a physical altercation.

So back to me and mom, we've been arguing about this whole 2016 thing at least once a month! I'm upset because I believe could have (and would have) gone to a better undergrad university if she did not give the initial misleading impression that I could get a dorm or apartment if I stayed at the local university. I was an excellent high school student and could have gone almost anywhere - but instead ended up being stuck at home studying at a lower university. A professor literally told me (in secret) that she had to dumb our classes because the caliber of students at the undergrad uni was so bad! And so I could have gone to a better undergrad, and maybe even gotten into an even better master's or even PhD program by now, and thus would have even better more secure career chances, so that I would never have to live here again as I'm doing now! Who knows, maybe I would have had higher chance of getting into a fully funded grad program if I went to a better undergrad, and hence I wouldn't even have as much debt as I do now. Plus, those 3 extra years of being here greatly contributed to the worsening of my mental and physical health I believe, and made it much harder to learn and hone my skills better, so now I am a professional that lacks much confidence and with significant mental and physical health struggles ...

My mom apologized very sincerely for her role in it. She just said that she didn't realize that I wanted to move out (even though I told her several times, even crying!) and that she thought it was best for me to be at home because the world is filled with bad people and she wasn't sure how I would make it, especially as a female (fyi, my parents are immigrants and in our culture, it's unusual for girls to move out young). She said she feels guilty and bad about it because she realizes the effects it's had on me. I can definitely forgive her about it, she's a wonderful person. I'm just still so confused about what happened, if I have a right to feel mad about this, and what was my role in it also - what could I have done differently, if anything.

Any help or thoughts to make sense of the situation and to make peace with it are greatly appreciated <3 thank you