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Family & Caregivers Community Taglist
by Sher217
Last post
 December 20th, 2022
...See more The Family & Caregivers Taglist has been moved!  Just wanted to let everyone know that our taglist has a new 'home' beginning in 2022. This thread controls an auto-updating taglist. To see the current list, go to Family & Caregivers Community Taglist [https://rarelycharlie.github.io/taglist?5e3f5e73a75214ab42c6ab21499775c0]. To add yourself to this taglist, press the Post to Thread button above and write the exact words: Please add me To remove yourself from this taglist, press the Post to Thread button above and write the exact words: Please remove me Please Note: the previous Taglist of active members is being moved into it's new location. current taglist updated 20Dec 2022 @addyor7 @adventurousPeach7700 @agreeableBlueberry7426 @AlexVincent @almarben2021 @amiableRaspberries644 @Avaray @benkimoo @bestRaspberries1517 @blue0moon @breeuniqemsns @CallunaDee @caringEyes817 @caringPink6587 @CautiousKitten4644 @ClearingBaggage22 @competentParadise6344 @Crankenstein @cyanVase4996 @Daemon85 @dancingIvory @diligentPlace1585 @discreetThinker5846 @DistortionHeart @dtanushree @dynamicPond275 @easyMango9861 @easyZebra1721 @EvelyneRose @fairmindedWisteria3450 @FluffyHamster666 @forcefulFriend4768 @freshOasis7877 @friendlySkies6250 @FrozenRob0t @gentleLove4111 @giraffe2011 @GloriaD @Goddessenergy8 @GoldenNest2727 @goodPapaya8943 @greenDrum7364 @hardworkingKite6195 @hardworkingStrawberries4640 @HempHealer @independentPrune479 @inventiveTurtle5247 @katerina214 @Kickan75 @kindCloud141 @Kjalen97 @lavenderBranch7351 @lilrezvert @Limegreen642 @LISTENER1610 @littleteddy06 @LovetoGod @lovingFlower72 @LovinHope @loyalShade3261 @Lu5566 @Margiewm @marvelloustree1111 @melloohi @miraculousPresence1609 @MissEG1988 @MoonChild1206 @Moonlemon48 @MrMarino @MsVee2021 @munchiegoosie @MusicalMelodyxX @mxmes @MySty2 @neonNest6685 @npetler24 @Onlyonefollower @peacefulPlum1025 @powerfulEast1407 @pramsay57 @quietChestnut6900 @Ramiluz1 @scarletPear1945 @selfconfidentWalker138 @sevtopaloglu @Sher217 @SherryTong @ShyCat1678201 @shymap84001 @Smokescrunch @SoarLikeAnEagle @softMusic9759 @spencer1234567 @Sraphoenix @strangermj12 @StressedTFOut0914 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @tallFriend9158 @Taylorz27 @Tinylemon1 @toughCurrent7546 @TraumaOne @TruckKnitter @turkeybby @unassumingDog4740 @versatileSky19 @VioletPerson1783 @warmheartedSailboat2021 @WillGood @Wisesupports @WorriedNana @yellowSquare6431 @YourNeighbourhoodsuperhero ~ Sher
Pressure from family
by courteousOcean9942
Last post
 Tuesday
...See more My older sister has a lot of mental health problems and my parents blame me for all of her issues. It’s terrible, they outright tell me it’s my fault she is depressed and it’s my fault she has no friends. She’s really mean to me so I don’t like her, I know I could be nicer but being told it’s my fault if she harms herself has taken a huge toll on me. I’ve also been told that any other issues in the family that exist are my fault as well. I’m just a kid, this is so much to carry constantly.  I don’t want to live at home anymore, I can’t be responsible for my families issues, but I will never be financially stable enough to leave. I’m stuck. I can’t talk to them about it because when I say “you can’t blame me for her problems,” they say “yes we can, it’s your fault.” So basically there’s no hope.  
Step Moms
by Sunshine0713
Last post
 Monday
...See more I’m looking for advice from people like me or people that can give me perspective. I’m 30 years old and a stepmom to 2 girls. I love them to death and would do anything for them most of the time. I don’t have any biological children and sometimes I have a hard time seeing the full picture. My girls are getting older (into the teens), I’ve been in their lives for 5 years, and we just seem to butt heads more and more every time we see each other. My husband doesn’t back me on anything with them and I’m just getting frustrated with being a stepmom lately. Also doesn’t help that my husband doesn’t get along with his ex at all so I’m usually the middle man and my relationship with her is 50/50 at best. All advice welcome but specifically setting boundaries and expectations. Sometimes I feel like I need to step back and live life for me instead of for them.
Narcissistic Abuse from Mother
by abusedbyMother
Last post
 Sunday
...See more I'm reaching out here because I'm in desperate need of support and guidance. For years, I've been enduring the torment of having a narcissistic and abusive mother. Her manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse have taken a toll on my mental health, leaving me feeling lost and broken. Recently, the situation escalated even further. My girlfriend and I were expecting a child, but my mother's interference led to her pressuring my girlfriend into aborting the pregnancy. This loss has been devastating for both of us, and she left me. I’m ashamed that I couldn’t stand up for her against my mother and it feels like my mother has stolen yet another piece of my life away from me. I feel like I've been robbed of years of mental peace and happiness because of my mother's toxic behavior. I'm struggling to cope with the trauma and pain, and I don't know where to turn for help. I feel isolated and alone in this situation, and I'm afraid of what the future holds if I continue to let my mother's influence control my life. I'm reaching out to this community in the hopes of finding support and advice on how to heal from this trauma and break free from the cycle of abuse. If anyone has been through similar experiences or has any resources or coping mechanisms to share, I would be incredibly grateful. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Any support or guidance you can offer would mean the world to me. i just wish i had a normal mother.
How to handle boundaries with Narcissist in laws living with you
by beta818
Last post
 Sunday
...See more My in laws(father, mother, sister) live with us. They consider their son is still 5 year old who needs to taught everything and considers me (his wife) is incapable and incompetent, keeps pushing me around. They consider themselves as head of house and we need to ask their permission to do anything (cooking, going out etc). We were letting it slide until we had a child. Now they want to be involved in every little to big thing we do. They throw a tantrum if we don’t listen to them, wouldn’t allow us any privacy. We cannot have a private conversation even in our own bedroom without being questioned later. If reply to their questions or taunts we are considered disrespectful and rude, if we don’t respond we are considered arrogant and proud. If we try to set boundaries we become selfish and self centered. No they cannot move out as they don’t have any financial support.
My So Called “Family”
by akunknown
Last post
 Sunday
...See more This is my first thread and I have not been here for a whole year yet. Just wanted to start off with that before getting to the topic. I’m gonna describe my so called “family” as best as I can individually. My eldest sister: We get along but aren’t close bc most of my life and her life, she was living in another state. She couldn’t take the family drama anymore so she left. She recently moved somewhat closer than she was bc her job required her to live somewhere else.  My second sister who’s also older than me: We’ve gotten along well for the most part but very recently she’s been annoying. It’s great having someone to care about you so much that they check on you to see how you are. But the annoyance is from her being too aggressive with it. We both have our own lives to live and we deserve time to spend with our own selves. But instead she’s checking on me every single day. I gently told her that’s unnecessary. She responded saying she gets anxious and worries when she doesn’t hear from me. Why now when she never did this when we were younger and more importantly why only me? What about the rest of the family? How come they’re not getting this much attention? I’m not a child who needs to be checked on everyday. When I actually needed this version of her I didn’t get it. Now when I don’t need it I’m getting too much of it. She can also be too nosy and bossy sometimes too.  My brother who is older than me too: This is currently my best relationship. The only thing I don’t like is how he keeps saying “I have to” do this, do that bc….and his constant defending, taking sides, and backside kissing of our toxic mom and stepdad. It’s more than clear that he’s their favorite. He’ll never tell them what they should/need to hear and instead just go about things as if nothing is wrong or as if they’re not doing anything wrong. The only exceptions are if they keep pushing him to do something he doesn’t want to which could annoy him or unless I’m angry and blow up which means I’m forced to do that.  My brother’s wife: She’s really nice. Very friendly and kind. They’re lucky they found each other. They’ve gotten along really well. I’m happy for them.  My second sister’s husband: He and I get along really well. He blows up sometimes and sometimes his blow ups are even at a higher level than me which is the only thing I don’t like about him but he’s only blowed up a few times so far in all the times I’ve seen him. He’s really caring and helpful. And if asked to for example not do something anymore or tone it down or anything, he’ll respectfully go along with it regardless of how he feels about it and whether he likes/agrees with it or not.  My stepdad: We had a close relationship with each other for the most part but earlier this year he decided to throw that all away by saying what he said and not saying a single word to me at all since then and it’s been half the year now but in 2 weeks it’ll be over half the year. He’s walked past me more than enough times to say something, at least a “hello” or “good morning/afternoon” or “how’s it going” or something like that. He doesn’t even look or glance at me. He just ignores me as if I don’t exist. If I cold shouldered him like that for 1 day or week, he and the rest of the family as well as everyone he complains to about it would be all over me asking me why, telling me it wasn’t nice and that I was disrespectful. But when he does it for 6, soon to be 7 months, he gets away with it with no one saying anything to him about it or at least questioning him so he’d share his reasons for why he’s behaving so immaturely for this long. After waiting and hoping he’d come around, I finally told myself I patiently waited and hoped but he’s too much of an immature child to care about changing so I’ve moved on. He wants to ignore me and pretend like I don’t exist? He wants to show gratitude like that for the person who was there for him more than anyone else ? Ok. So be it. But I’m done pleasing people who are never satisfied, never respectful, never appreciative, never happy, always complaining, always miserable, always self victimizing, always negative. I don’t care about what he wants or expects from me. My life doesn’t revolve around him. And since he’s not my boss I don’t work for him.  My toxic mother: She causes trouble. Her mouth is too overactive. She talks too much. She is too loud no matter what she does. She’s bossy, ordering me around to do things. She’s too nosy and secretly gets involved in my business. Secretly bc either I don’t know about it at all or I know AFTER she’s already done what she’s done. She lies all the time, never listens to anyone when they say something, saying no multiple times isn’t enough to convince her to stop. Like for example she’s forced me to initiate a conversation with the stepdad who decided not to say anything to me instead of telling him to apologize to me for disrespecting me the way he has all this time. I told her please leave me alone. She responded saying “Why? Just come here, sit down and talk to him.” My brother who was visiting got involved and said a bunch of things to her. Her response was laughing hysterically and saying “It’s so irrational. He’s being so irrational. I don’t understand” but she only stopped temporarily bc she tried to force me again so I responded by immediately leaving the house, only coming back in after she was away. When I was a kid still in elementary school, my second sister was spending all day with her friends. Sometimes she’d just come home to get ready or bc her friends wanted to spend time with her at our home but mostly she was either at one of her friend’s house or they were out somewhere. If she was out she’d typically come home late. In these years, there were no cellphones to call or text someone to see where they are, when they’ll be home, etc. So my mom called the house. I answered. She asked me if I knew where my sister was. I honestly answered no. Her response was yelling at me saying I’m a uncaring brother who doesn’t care about my own sister and that I better call all her friends and ask if she’s there and once I found out where she is, I was told to call my mom back and tell her what I found out. I said ok and I did all that. But none of her friends parents who answered knew where she was. I told my mom all of this once I called her back and she yelled at me again asking why I always allow this to happen. Uh hello! I’m just a kid! What can I do about it? You’re the mother. Why don’t you ever do anything about it? Yelling at me won’t do anything. If you wanna find her, get in your car and drive to place after place till you find her and once you do, take her home or whatever you wanna say/do. If I was older than I was I would have said something like that to my mom. But I wasn’t and looking back I feel like she knew I was too young to say anything like that to her and took advantage of me. Looking back on that I see that night as a turning point in my life bc I was too young to know this at the time but that night my mom showed me her true toxic self. She’s also very egotistical, manipulative, narcissistic, and all that other negative stuff. She fabricates stories and excuses. She never acknowledges or admits when she does something wrong. Instead if she’s questioned about it she’ll pretend like she doesn’t know what’s being talked about or she’ll deny it. She also loves blaming others. An example of her lying, if someone, let’s just say me, is around she’ll pretend like everything’s ok and will say good things about me but I keep rolling my eyes and don’t take it seriously or buy it knowing it’s all lies bc behind my back she’ll tell one or both of my sisters, my brother, my stepdad, and/or anyone else she talks to the exact opposite about me.  To combat all this I’ve distanced myself from my stepdad and toxic mom as much and as long as possible and I’ve given myself a much needed break from my second sister’s aggressive and obsessive over caring. It’s too much to deal with all this at the same time. I’ve got my own life too. But they don’t respect that. They just want me to live my life however they want and expect me to without accepting that I’m not obligated to do that. 
has anyone tried the counseling through 7cups?
by IrelandsMomma
Last post
 Sunday
...See more If so, did you like it, why it went not? And could you give a rough estimate of the price? I'm considering going back to my old counselor, who means well, but I'm not sure he's the best fit. Also considering finding someone new. Also considering EMDR. If anyone has thoughts on that, that would be awesome.
Is it okay to want space from your family?
by MysteriouslyFound1893
Last post
 June 29th
...See more Is it okay if on most days I need space from my parents? Is it okay if on most days I just need the affection and acknowledgement? It is okay if on most days I want to just be away from this place, anywhere but here?
Is it wrong to set boundaries in finance for my family?
by Vivian14
Last post
 June 26th
...See more Hi, I'm an English tutors whom doesn't make much off work and I very strict about my spending and saving especially when it come to my family. I came from a not really wealthy family, we have some financial issues but we do get by. We were once very rich and doesn't have to worry a things but life took a dark turn for us and we lost most of our wealth. I, even tho was young back then saw these struggle and I learn how to save money and don't spend it recklessly like the others. I love them but they lost my trust over the years, they constantly promise things or trick me in to giving them my savings and left little me waiting for nothing. That broke my trust even as a child. After countless of time I loss my saving because they took advantage of my trust I decided to keep my money a secret and only spend a little of my salary to save up a little bit and set a boundaries for my family on how they can ask me for money and not let them manipulate me into giving them. I'm very young and still in school but also work so I can take care of myself and be independent for once. Due to some paperwork I unfortunately doesn't have a bank account yet to track my salary. My aunt (who is the one that supposed to give me my salary because my boss transfer my money in her bank account) so many times give me like 20-30% and then give me the rest a couple of weeks later which is so hard for me to keep track of my spending and saving because I can't save while I have thing to pays. And sometimes I have to borrow money because of that to have enough to care for myself. She also ask me for money sometime and I will give her if it in my budget but not every time I can give her even tho I know she need it but I also know I need it and have my own debt to pay. She cried and cursed at me when I say "no" & "you're 40, your salary is 4x higher than mine, it's not my fault you can't manage your spending" ect... Eveey time she called me "ungrateful" because she have raised me. I do love her and feel bad but I'm think for my future too, I need that money and I stay firm with my decision because I think that's what best for me and when I'm at my best then I can help her but right now I cannot. It's not like I didn't tried to talk it out with her seriously, it's just everytime I did she called me ungrateful and said she needed more than I am so I have to say pretty hard words (not proud of it). Although I do think she can spend less and she doesn't pay any bill, my dad pays for everything, I see no point of her not spending less since she make more than me and I can save up, why can't she? So am I selfish in this? Am I ungrateful? It's been crossing my mine so much yet I need other people opinion
Difficult MIL
by dapperPomegranate4996
Last post
 June 26th
...See more I thought we had turned a corner with my MIL . Her and my husband have had a complicated relationship the last few years. We were all away on vacation together. My MIL felt it was her job to look after her grandchildren. I gently reminded her that was up to the parents. She needed to look after herself. I made sure she didn't miss out on the experiences she wanted, often offering to watch the kids for her (not mine. We don't have any yet). She told my husband she appreciated me. We spent a lot of time just the 2 of us, walking around cities and doing activities. Then one evening I told her her I didn't want to discuss politics in a room full of strangers. Suddenly, I was the enemy. She got up from the dinner table and stormed off. She wouldn't talked to us or make eye contact with me. At first we didn't realize I was the trigger. My husband found out but didn't say anything until we got home. I don't understand why she didn't come talk to me. Maybe my choice of words could have been better. Perhaps I didn't mind my tone as much as I usually do. I didn't think I was rude. I didn't realize it would make her so furious. She was so civil with my BIL when she didn't like something he said. I feel as though none of my efforts to bond with her have meant anything. We are always going to be the "bad son and daughter in law". We are always going to be the evil son and daughter in law. I had finally felt good letting my guard down. Now it's back up, and I don't know if there's any going back.
My love language is ___
by Hope
Last post
 June 20th
...See more Hi everyone! Understanding and expressing love within families can be complex. Let’s reflect on our ways of giving and receiving affection, but let's acknowledge that family dynamics aren't always defined by traditional units or conventional expressions of love. For some, reflecting on family love languages may evoke pleasant memories and heartwarming gestures. For others, navigating complex pasts or present challenges might make such exploration difficult. Remember, family can extend beyond blood ties, and love manifests in diverse ways. Whether it's through close friendships, chosen communities, or even acts of self-care, recognizing and honoring how you experience and express love is central to emotional well-being. What is your love language when it comes to your family?
Toxic father and step mother
by vanita66
Last post
 June 20th
...See more I'm the eldest daughter of my family going to be 24 next month on 6th , it's all started when my mother died in 2015 . I faced so many challenges like my father became an alcoholic addiction and my relatives manipulated and brainwashed him totally towards me , he comes abused me everytime , saying hurtful things and a lot. But in recent years my father got married second time in 2022, and my step mom is like same as relative.  At present, still my father is an alcoholic addiction  Today what happened like, she always tries to look for a way to hurt me and if I don't react then she tries to manipulate my father but the thing is today the limit was crossed, I'm unable to have strength to bearing this much pain in my chest it's affecting my day today life  I'm still a student and also I have no one to share , not even friends I don't have friends, family, not sister too  When my father was drunk I hardly try to not to face my father cause if I'm facing him , he will more became aggressive try to harm me  But step mother is saying that you have to go to visit your father  She's manipulating my father that " see yours daughter atleast not giving you a cup of glass water and all " like that  Even many more like this , and father is just abusing even he slapped me .  When I take stand on myself step mother is just raising voice upon me and provoking my father more and more . Even I do everything in perfect manner, response everything but stills my father abusing a lot on daily basis , I don't have strength to bear it. I can't even take stand on myself , I'm still student, unemployed and this thing is continuing on daily basis.  I don't know what to do ? I cried a lot  I feel so hurt this traumatic experience is involving in my day to day life like studies , sleeping disorder, depression and many more  Please what to do? I'm unable to see the future of my life....!! Please help me regarding this ...!!  It's being affecting my brain , and mental health ..!!
What is the healthiest family you have known/seen?
by Hope
Last post
 June 17th
...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are well. Let's take a break from talking about our own family and focus our attention outwards.  Think of all the people you have interacted with, be it friends, extended family, colleagues etc think of all the families you came across and reflect on a family that seems the healthiest/happiest/most connected. What do they do that seems to matter the most in achieving this result?  If you can't think of any real life examples, you can think of TV/Movie families and answer the same question. 

Family & Caregivers

Welcome to Family & Caregivers! This is a supportive space to share your thoughts and experiences.

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other,”  Richard Bach.


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Community Guidelines

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2) Please use appropriate language for all ages - This community supports both teens and adults.  Curse/cuss words will be removed from posts.  

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Community Resources

Family Stress https://www.7cups.com/family-stress/  

Domestic Assault https://www.7cups.com/domestic-assault-survivor/  

Questions & Answers https://www.7cups.com/qa-family-stress-23/    

Financial Stress https://www.7cups.com/qa-financial-stress-26/  

Sleeping Well https://www.7cups.com/sleeping-well/   

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