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diceCharms9259
30 7,141 M Moving Along 5
PathStep 40 Compassion hearts2,054 Forum posts92 Forum upvotes81 Current upvotes81 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceDecember 10, 2024
Bio

He/him, young adult. LGBTQ+ friendly & safe! šŸŒˆĀ 

I donā€™t accept 1-on-1 convos unless if important or urgent information is needed to be shared.

Seeking pen pals to speak with on-site, on the forums! (Click here for my post:Ā https://www.7cups.com/forum/penpals/LookingforPenPals_2657/LFPenPals_343610/Ā )

I type fast and can sound overly scripted or proper. Typing style may also vary. I may come across dry, do not become dependent on ā€œtoneā€ in text. ā¤ļø I always welcome people re-asking for clarity.


Recent forum posts
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LF Pen Pals!
Pen Pals / by diceCharms9259
Last post
 January 6th
...See more Looking for forum pen pals!Ā  I would like to talk about coping skills, sharing experience with hobbies, and achievements (small or big!) Ideally pen pals be also within similar age group as me or older, Iā€™m 24 years old for reference. (Iā€™m not comfortable with 1-on-1 adult/teen discussions, rather have that performed as a group.) Hobbies have been on-and-off for me, but Iā€™m getting back into the swing of things! Drawing, at-home exercise, and reading tips & advice on this forum funny enough. I donā€™t watch much media but hearing peopleā€™s musings and perspectives is always fun! I try to give new things a go, so donā€™t be shy sharing media and its significance to you. Open to potentially triggering conversations, as long as given a little heads up! šŸŒ¹
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How Do Yā€™all Deal With Daily Negativity?
Depression Support / by diceCharms9259
Last post
 January 3rd
...See more General warning for heavy discussion. Nothing detailed or obscene but may come across as invalidating. I try to be nice when people are in a foul mood. Times are rough and I canā€™t think of a single person right now whoā€™s living well and are content. I have seen and been through things myself. I still am seeing and going through things myself. Why do some people think theyā€™re so especial? Do people not try to research or act on any kind of self-help? I wouldnā€™t care so much if I could just keep distance or avoid people like that entirely. But when you live with them and feel indebted, itā€™s hard to cope. Iā€™m still picking up my own pieces, I donā€™t want to drop them just to reassure people that their negative outlook on life is valid. I already feel hopeless.
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How To Get Anonymous Help (English and Formatted Post)
General Support / by diceCharms9259
Last post
 January 2nd
...See more Why 988 is Important? It is a non-judgmental, confidential way to receive emotional support during panic and crisis. Panic and crisis referring to a deep sense of danger, trouble, doom, or at risk of endangering yourself. They do not discriminate those who struggle with substance use. But Iā€™m Worried It Will Make It Worse! Then keep details or names obscured. Youā€™re allowed to be safe and find support. This is me giving you permission to get help and to protect your well-being as much as possible. Your life matters. Hereā€™s a link to their website: https://988lifeline.org/ , and hereā€™s the browser-powered application for those HoH and Deaf, available for smartphone: https://vibrant.aslnow.io/app/8/10004
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Talking is Hard
Journals & Diaries / by diceCharms9259
Last post
 January 12th
...See more Right now Iā€™m assessing my speech and finding better ways to communicate. Iā€™m also trying to piece together how to verbalize my interest in improving speech with my therapist, like fallbacks when Iā€™m too emotionally stressed to give a thoughtful response. I also find difficulty to shift from self-referential language to more inclusive language when chatting. I would like to be more approachable and open-ended, so I try to avoid using too many ā€œIā€s and ā€œmeā€s both in text and verbal speech.. havenā€™t been exactly successful lol. Even when I Google endlessly on better communication skills, setting boundaries, etc. I find it near impossible to talk in a way thatā€™s cohesive. CBT at-home exercises kind of help but I feel myself running into circles with the ā€œbut why?ā€ Not sure how else to explain it other than these exercises beg of me to account for emotions that I donā€™t genuinely feel is applicable. Sometimes I cry when Iā€™m angry due to me being easily excitable, and crying seems to be how I can safely process my emotions. Iā€™m not always sad when I cry! Damn some of these emotion charts suck and I donā€™t appreciate how therapists keep insisting when I already have a hard time verbalizing that the methods theyā€™re offering can only help with so much. I donā€™t always ascribe sadness when I cry because it just isnā€™t my experience sometimes! And sometimes at my most hypoaroused I force myself to do things just to feel human. It feels like Iā€™m forced to rationalize my feelings to the point of inauthenticity, like a linear view of how my mind works. Iā€™m crying right now just frustrated while thinking about this! šŸ˜­ DBT I found much more helpful, as it helps place words and action over fixation on emotions. It gives me actual, tangible input and output. Even if things donā€™t turn out well, using methods like REST has helped me take better charge of my emotions and behaviors. I donā€™t know how else to communicate this without being pedantic as s#%t! And I could never verbalize the way I can type and keep notes on things. I feel odd though by the idea of handing my therapist written notes. I think Iā€™m worried that she will think Iā€™m lying, so many therapists before would give me šŸ’© when they hear I Google things. Ironically me continuously Googling is due to improper healthcare my entire damn life! Itā€™s because theyā€™re insistent on issues that was truly irrelevant in my life at the time. Or issues that would naturally require build-up for, issues that require long-form conversation and background. You know, how supposedly therapy works? Apparently they missed the memo lol. My first psychatrist saw me digging into my arms out of frustration and how bad I cried when he kept insisting my details of events are inconsistent. I was no older than 13! Thatā€™s child abuse, why the *** was he so cruel? And even therapists after that would give me issues on the dumbest stuff. I learned the hard way to not mention gender dysphoria or gender anything with therapists. Even me just gently bringing up that Iā€™m trans, even as an offhand comment, I was suddenly slammed with ā€œThatā€™s not youā€™re whole identityā€ lectureā€¦ Did they not realize the irony in that? Me mentioning Iā€™m trans shouldnā€™t be a ceremonious event nor frowned upon, right? So why couldnā€™t these therapists also approach it with neutrality? F*%k those ***. Tl;dr: if I could summarize it I wouldnā€™t need to write this wall of text, now would I? šŸ˜¶
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Anxiety and Dissociation
Anxiety Support / by diceCharms9259
Last post
 January 7th
...See more [This post goes over about dissociation and tame personal discussion about it, unsure if this would be considered triggering or not so just a heads up.] Iā€™m sure others here have similar experiences, but whoa it trips me up when I think back to when I first started to feel unreal to the point of panic. I was pretty young, no older than 12 for sure. I would tell my mom that I felt weird and fake. But I think because of the situation at the time, she was stressed and had to take a family member to a doctor (this Iā€™m still unsure of?) and would get short with me a little when I started crying. When we would come home, I would try to put ice cubes on my closed eyes just to ā€œwake myself upā€. It was so intense and surreal, I canā€™t believe it wasnā€™t dealt with seriously. Itā€™s so strange to acknowledge personal issues but having other people, even family, not having helpful responses. Meditation and grounding exercises have helped me cope! Mostly grounding exercises focusing on senses. But yeah it took several years to understand what was happening and I had learned about my problem in my young teens. Time flies when itā€™s distorted lol! How do others here cope with their day-to-day DR/DP or dissociation? Any advice others may have for people who are home most of the time as well? Much appreciated šŸŒ¹
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Dysphoric & Lost
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by diceCharms9259
Last post
 December 24th
...See more Ideally would like comfort and advice from other adults in similar living situations. CW for transphobia and the usual issues you can expect from off-ish family. How would anyone here cope with a ā€œlukewarmā€ supportive family? Iā€™m not sure how else to describe it, but itā€™s not necessarily my parents deny me of exploring my identity but that my mother was very insistent on how my transition should be. She would always assert that going on testosterone would likely make me violent or aggressive. This has hurt me deeply but I brushed it off as me being overly emotional. My father on the other hand, well I donā€™t even know the extent of his support because our communication is strained as is. Still stuck in my mind with how he reacted when I told him I wanted to go by a masculine name when I was 13/14. But whenever I bring it up to mother she would brush it off or question me if it actually happened. (Yes, yes it did happen and Iā€™m sick of them denying their weird treatment towards me.) I have a hard time leaving the house due to the neighborhood Iā€™m in. Even when my father would drive me, workplace wasnā€™t any safer. Had to deal with violent and creepy customers. I would be a liar if I said living with family is helping me. But I also feel pressured to stay in case something happens, and every-time I try to make attempts of moving on I feel so stuck. I ruined whatever support I had from people Iā€™d known online because of making inflammatory comments that I didnā€™t understand how they were bad. On top of a past situation which was misinterpreted by everyone when I didnā€™t know how to help at the time. I feel separated from everyone when I tried so hard to connect. But I have a hard time expressing feelings appropriately I think. Then people would get infuriated with me for not knowing whatā€™s appropriate or not. Then people assume things of my living situation because of it. It sucks and now Iā€™m without people who would at least accept me for being trans/nonbinary. Iā€™m seeing a therapist again but I still feel dismissed whenever I would be suggested to go to college. I would constantly hear from people to take up school.. I donā€™t think people understand Iā€™m not mentally or financially equipped to do so. Especially financially. I donā€™t want to plummet myself into debt when Iā€™m not even sure if I can push through schooling. Even in grade school I would cheat or look up answers for things. Iā€™m just sad and confused.
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Iā€™ll never forgive you
General Support / by diceCharms9259
Last post
 December 23rd
...See more Youā€™ve convinced everyone that what I did was out of petty revenge when really i was having a god damn breakdown. How you said me and one other person were in cahoots when I only had a god damn brief exchange with her becuz she went to me and the other 2 ppl who were involved at the time whoā€™s names I CANT REMEMBER. And I apologized for it not knowing wtf I was being accused of but i assumed I did something wrong. How u would make fetishy comments about trans ppl during our relationship while u were drunk. Remember what u said, ***? ā€œDo you wanna have a threesome with a f*taā€? How u would constantly ask permission to stop drinking and u said the only reason why you will stop drinking is becuz weā€™re in a relationship. How much you placed ur trauma onto me and said how badly u wanted to die. How I was dealing w my own dysphoria and making sure u werenā€™t doing smth stupid. How u were controlling just becuz u got weirdly mad at some guy who wanted to hangout and talk with us. Becuz u said he was ā€œtrying to make a moveā€ on me when I told u I wouldnā€™t let him do that. But no, u couldnā€™t just have trusted me and instead threatened to become a problem. How u would have your drunken tantrums when u didnā€™t get things your way. How u would profusely apologize just for me to reassure u becuz u clearly canā€™t take accountability for ur own *** guilt. How u were so weirdly *** fixated with the Amber Heard & Johnny Depp case & I felt off abt it but thought I was overreacting.
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