First Step

This week I took my first step towards recovery.

I realized that I could d** from this. I actually saw I WOULD d** from this, if I kept on going the way I was. And I didn't want to d**. I wanted to live. I just realized that. I wanted to not d** a horrible death and I didn't want my organs to fail. I wanted to try. I honestly wanted to give recovery a try. I decided that I didn't have to make any big changes to begin with, but just trying was enough.

I am not eating big amounds of food or anything yet, but I am eating just a little more twice a week, and that has already given me more energy. I feel less tired, I don't nap all the time and I don't feel like I'm going to faint when I work out - or maybe a little faint, but it's getting better. It's all getting better. I'm feeling better, I'm being better. I feel like I'm a new version of me, like I'm a better me.

I have also decided that I will cut toxic ppl out of my life. Like me mom making me believe I was delusional for seeing the truth. I don't think she meant to, but she made me think I was crazy and a bad person. She formed the delusions in my mind: That I was a bad person that I was evil. I don't have to punish myself for being bad by using self harm. And I understand now. I have to put myself first. I have to try every day to be better and eventually I will get better.

I just realized that, and thought I wanted to share with you guys. I hope you are all as well as you can be atm.!