Inside Out

Hey there...

I hate writing this, so much right now. It means that I'm not as tough as I thought I was.

Hi. I'm Chelsea. I'm here because I feel like my recovery needs an extra leg right now. I have been in recovery from EDs for over 13 years now. I have had years of total remission that have been some of the best I've seen. Unfortunately, I've also had some relapses here and there; some not too bad and at least one that was almost fatal a handful of years ago.

However, since then, I have made a lot of progress and was in total remission in my book for a few years. I got married and had a son, and got my bachelor's degree. Unfortunately, I have been going through a lot of difficult transitions in the past year including finalizing my divorce, losing a job and losing my internship over a background issue. Needless to say, it's been rough and I've felt like total garbage.

I have noticed myself restricting again and feel like it might be a red flag. Right now, my head is already yelling at me that it isn't that bad and I'm making too big of a deal, but the truth is I'm having a really hard time with myself and don't want things to get any worse. I've been there and don't want to go back. My family needs me. So I'm seeking support- how to get out of the mini-rut I'm in and stop using restriction to deal with how much I hate myself as a person I guess. I always feel like being thinner is a way to make myself "better" or redeem other failures in my life and it's hard not to go there looking to mine some self-worth.

Anyway, I am sorry for the super long post. Thanks for taking the time to read. I look forward to receiving and giving support and learning from everybody here.