Vent?

[TW: anorexic topics, body stuff, sickness..]

I tell myself I don't have an eating disorder, I don't think I have an eating disorder. I'm extremely insecure about my body, I hurt it out of anger, because I think it is ugly. It was easy to start controlling my food a little more, since I had been eating only one meal a day for years, making that smaller wasn't a problem. That turned into counting calories, occasionally making myself sick whenever I thought I ate too much, and trying my darnest to fast. I'm writing this now because it is on my mind, probably because I just vomit, because I lost myself in food. I guess I should've aten something yesterday, then, because today I couldn't stop eating after being full. I wish there was a less painful way for specifically me to lose fat, but I can't seem to do anything other than starve and hope for changes. I'm tired; This is tiring. I recently tried taking vitamin supplements to help, so I'll probably keep doing that.

I apologize to anyone who felt displeased reading this, and I hope you're all doing okay ♡