Read with caution ig
I hate feeling this way, I hate my body, I hate feelings, I hate me, I hate life, I just want a break from it all. It’s a cycle of purging, shing, gaining hope, said hope getting destroyed and i’m honestly starting to lose hope on getting clean, i don’t really see the point
Nearly everyday this week i’ve purged something and started self harming again the last 2 days and i’ve tried to stop but it’s to much, I even been video calling a friend who knows about the sh and we video called meaning everyday this week either to talk or i needed a distraction as i fell *** or the other day it was because I was seriously considering selfharming and needed something to keep me accountable.
I hate this, the fact i feel myself slipping back into my old ways the lack of emotion and care, the feeling of slipping back into my head, not being in control and i know it will only get worse on monday when I go back to school.
It’s so much easier to skip meals, purge, sh and i always force myself to get 10 000 steeps a day and i have a dr appointment this month where i get weighed and every time i’ve had that it’s just made everything worse and I know the closer that day comes the worst it’s going to get.
@willingSugar9815
It sounds like you've been doing a really good job at trying to be accountable. Great job in the effort you are making to help yourself. I'm so glad you posted.
What kind of support system do you have? Are you able to have any professional support to help you through this at this time? It can really help to be able to sort things out with someone who is objective rather than trying to sort it out by ourselves.
What helped you before when you were doing better with your eating? Was there anything in particular that was really helpful for you? I would encourage you to consider utilizing some of those things if you haven't already. I think you're doing great by reaching out and doing the things you are doing to work on not isolating and getting stuck in the cycle that we can get stuck in.
You can get through this. I know it's really hard, but it is doable.
@KristenHR
Sorry its taken me so long to reply, things have gotten… worse since this post but to answer your question my support system is all online basically and honestly in the past the only thing that helped me eat was simply trying to eat one extra meal/snack that isn't dinner (I can't get out of dinner) and that my parents will make me lunch for school when they are doing their own for work, there's only so many days a week I can trade away my food.
This doesn't exactly work anyways so idk winning it i guess. I hope I answered all your question sorry if I missed some.
@willingSugar9815
I'm sorry to hear it got worse for you. I'm glad you at least have an online support system. I prefer to have some people in person myself, but that's not always possible when we struggle with certain issues. Sometimes people don't understand eating disorders.
I'm glad you're still posting.
