Tips for helping a loved one with a Eating Disorder

I recently made a forum post asking for suggestions of what posts would like to be seen in this community. Someone suggested this topic and i think it is a good one. So in this post i would like to discuss some tips and strategies for helping a person dealing Eating disorder.

Warning signs of eating disorders

Many people worry about their weight, what they eat, and how they look. This is especially true for teenagers and young adults, who face extra pressure to fit in and look attractive at a time when their bodies are changing. As a result, it can be challenging to tell the difference between an eating disorder and normal self-consciousness, weight concerns, or dieting. Further complicating matters, people with eating disorders will often go to great lengths to hide the problem. However, there are warning signs you can watch for. And as eating disorders progress, the red flags become easier to spot.

-Restricting food or dieting

-Making excuses to avoid meals or situations involving food (e.g. he or she had a big meal earlier, isnt hungry, or has an upset stomach)

-Eating only tiny portions or specific low-calorie foods, and often banning entire categories of food such as carbs and dietary fat

-Obsessively counting calories, reading food labels, and weighing portions

-Developing restrictive food rituals (e.g. eating foods in certain orders, rearranging food on a plate, excessive cutting or chewing)

-Binging

-Unexplained disappearance of large amounts of food in short periods of time

-Lots of empty food packages and wrappers (often hidden at the bottom of the trash)

-Hoarding and hiding stashes of high-calorie foods such as junk food and sweets

-Secrecy and isolation, may eat normally around others, only to binge late at night or in a private spot where they wont be discovered or disturbed

-Purging

-Disappearing right after a meal or making frequent trips to the bathroom

-Showering, bathing, or running water after eating (to hide the sound of purging)

-Using excessive amounts of mouthwash, breath mints, or perfume (to disguise the smell of vomiting)

-Taking laxatives, diuretics, or enemas

-Periods of fasting or compulsive, intense exercising, especially after eating

-Frequent complaints of sore throat, upset stomach, diarrhea, or constipation

-Discolored teeth

-Distorted body image and altered appearance

-Extreme preoccupation with body or weight (e.g. constant weigh-ins, spending lots of time in front of the mirror inspecting and criticizing his or her body)

-Significant weight loss, rapid weight gain, or constantly fluctuating weight

-Frequent comments about feeling fat or overweight, or about a fear of gaining weight

-Wearing baggy clothes or multiple layers (can be an attempt to hide weight)

What you can do

If you notice the warning signs of an eating disorder in a friend or family member, its important to speak up. But that doesnt mean its easy. The very idea can seem overwhelming. You may be afraid that youre mistaken, or that youll say the wrong thing, or you might alienate the person. However, its important that you dont let these worries stop you from voicing your concerns.

People with eating disorders are often afraid to ask for help. Some are struggling just as much as you are to find a way to start a conversation about their problem, while others have such low self-esteem they simply dont feel that they deserve any help. Whatever the case, eating disorders will only get worse without treatment, and the physical and emotional damage can be severe. The sooner you start to help a loved one, the better their chances of recovery.

Tips for talking to someone about an eating disorder

Set the conversation up for success. Choose a time when you can speak to the person in private without distractions or constraints. You dont want to have to stop in the middle of the conversation because of other obligations! Its also important to have the conversation at a time of emotional calm. Dont try to have this conversation right after a blow up.

Explain why youre concerned. Be careful to avoid lecturing or criticizing, as this will only make your friend or family member defensive. Instead, refer to specific situations and behaviors youve noticed, and why they worry you. Your goal at this point is not to offer solutions, but to express your concerns about the persons health, how you much you love him or her, and your desire to help.

Be prepared for denial and resistance. Theres a good chance your loved one may deny having an eating disorder or become angry and defensive. If this happens, try to remain calm, focused, and respectful. Remember that this conversation likely feels very threatening to him or her. Dont take it personally.

Be patient and supportive. Dont give up if the person shuts you down at first. It may take some time before your loved one is willing to open up and admit to having a problem. The important thing is opening up the lines of communication. Make it clear that you care, that you believe in them, and that youll be there in whatever way they need whenever theyre ready.

What not to do

Avoid ultimatums. Unless youre dealing with an underage child, you cant force someone into treatment. The decision to change must come from them. Ultimatums merely add pressure and promote more secrecy and denial.

Avoid commenting on appearance or weight. People with eating disorders are already overly focused on their bodies. Even assurances that theyre not fat play into their preoccupation with being thin. Instead, steer the conversation to their feelings. Why are they afraid of being fat? What do they think theyll achieve by being thin?

Avoid shaming and blaming. Steer clear of accusatory you statements like, You just need to eat! Or, Youre hurting yourself for no reason. Use I statements instead. For example: Its hard for me to watch you wasting away. Or, It scares me when I hear you throwing up.

Avoid giving simple solutions. For example, "All you have to do is accept yourself." Eating disorders are complex problems. If it were that easy, your loved one wouldnt be suffering.

Dealing with eating disorders in the home

As a parent/partner/sibling/friend there are many things you can do to support your loved one's eating disorder recovery—even if he or she is still resisting treatment.

Set a positive example. Make it a point to model healthy behaviors. You have more influence than you think! Instead of dieting, eat nutritious, balanced meals. Be mindful about how you talk about your body and your eating. Avoid self-critical remarks or negative comments about others appearance. Instead, focus on the qualities on the inside that really make a person attractive.

Make mealtimes fun. Try to eat together as a family as often as possible. Even if your loved one isnt willing to eat the food youve prepared, encourage him or her to join you at the table. Use this time together to enjoy each others company, rather than talking about problems. Meals are also a good opportunity to show your loved one that food is something to be enjoyed rather than feared.

Avoid power struggles over food Attempts to force your child to eat will only cause conflict and bad feelings. And it will likely lead to more secrecy and lying. That doesnt mean you cant set limits or hold your child accountable for their behavior. But dont act like the food police, constantly monitor your childs behavior, or lose your cool or engage in fights.

promote self-esteem in your child in intellectual, athletic, and social endeavors. Give boys and girls the same opportunities and encouragement. A well-rounded sense of self and solid self-esteem are perhaps the best antidotes to disordered eating.

Dont blame yourself. Parents often feel they must take on responsibility for the eating disorder, which is something they truly have no control over. Once you can accept that the eating disorder is not anyone's fault, you can be freed to take action that is honest and not clouded by what you "should" or "could" have done.

Supporting a loved one's recovery

Recovering from an eating disorder takes time. There are no quick fixes or miracle cures, so its important to have patience and compassion. Dont put unnecessary pressure on your loved one by setting unrealistic goals or demanding progress on your own timetable. Provide hope and encouragement, praise each small step forward, and stay positive through struggles and setbacks.

Learn about eating disorders. Educate yourself about eating disorders and their treatment. The more you know, the better equipped youll be to help your loved one, avoid pitfalls, and cope with challenges. You can learn about them here

Listen without judgment. Show that you care by asking about your loved ones feelings and concerns—and then truly listening. Resist the urge to advise or criticize. Let them feel heard. Even if you dont understand what he or she is going through, its important to validate your loved ones feelings.

Be mindful of triggers. Avoid discussions about food, weight, eating or making negative statements about your own body or your eating habits. But dont be afraid to eat normally in front of your loved one. It can help set an example of a healthy relationship with food.

Take care of yourself. Dont become so preoccupied with your loved ones eating disorder that you neglect your own needs. Make sure you have your own support, so you can provide it in turn. Whether that support comes from a trusted friend, a support group, or your own therapy sessions, what matters is that you have an outlet to talk about your feelings and to emotionally recharge. Its also important to schedule time into your day for de-stressing, relaxing, and doing things you enjoy.

Thank you all for reading. if you would like to share any tips then feel free to by replying to this post.