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afloat June 21st, 2021

I'm not diagnosed but, I'm aware of my disordered thinking and relationship with my body and food. The last 4 years have been hard for me, but last year was so horrible I couldn't be there anymore. I decided to go all in when I had a short trip and knowing there's no way I could measure my weight. During the trip, I keep exercising and restricting and felt like I ate too much (as far as I can recall, I wasn't) then when I came back home, I was too afraid to face the number I'll be seeing so, ever since I never weight myself anymore. I almost cried every time I wanted to, because I know how's it gonna affect me. Lately, it shows that I'm gaining some weight. It's visible. I cried yesterday because of the way I look and also today, it's so frustrating. I wanted to get that hatred again so, I can "punish" myself. Am I recovering? I guess I am, I guess this is what I'm doing- to see the world again without being tortured with the thoughts of my body and food. My mom just told me I get fatter, I mentioned that in front of her and asked for her opinion, and tomorrow I'll be going for a trip. It's also summer, so you know how it is.

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afloat OP June 21st, 2021

Since February, I feel bloated every single day. It's so hard to look at my body and not hating it.

1 reply
dynamicBirch1288 June 21st, 2021

@afloat. That seems like a tough situation. It seems you are frustrated with how you look and feel, I can relate. Do you have anyone to talk to about this? Maybe you can try speaking to a professional or a friend to start. I hope you feel better! Best of luck!:)

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