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afloat
1,156 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 29 Compassion hearts55 Forum posts16 Forum upvotes17 Current upvotes17 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2021 Member sinceJanuary 6, 2021
Recent forum posts
I applied for a job
Journals & Diaries / by afloat
Last post
 October 18th, 2021
...See more I just sent my application and for the first few months, the job will be part-time and on probation until what they said. I know I just sent the application and my chances are still floating to be accepted, but I'm so nervous what if I get accepted? The things I'm thinking of right now, what if I made a mistake and screw up? What if I can't fit in there?since I'll be working with lots of people. What do I say to the people? How do I excuse myself to eat or literally anything? And what if I want to quit? Because I'm so f- inconsistent with my decisions and hard to say goodbye to my freedom. Will I be good?
Tw
Eating Disorder Support / by afloat
Last post
 June 21st, 2021
...See more I'm not diagnosed but, I'm aware of my disordered thinking and relationship with my body and food. The last 4 years have been hard for me, but last year was so horrible I couldn't be there anymore. I decided to go all in when I had a short trip and knowing there's no way I could measure my weight. During the trip, I keep exercising and restricting and felt like I ate too much (as far as I can recall, I wasn't) then when I came back home, I was too afraid to face the number I'll be seeing so, ever since I never weight myself anymore. I almost cried every time I wanted to, because I know how's it gonna affect me. Lately, it shows that I'm gaining some weight. It's visible. I cried yesterday because of the way I look and also today, it's so frustrating. I wanted to get that hatred again so, I can "punish" myself. Am I recovering? I guess I am, I guess this is what I'm doing- to see the world again without being tortured with the thoughts of my body and food. My mom just told me I get fatter, I mentioned that in front of her and asked for her opinion, and tomorrow I'll be going for a trip. It's also summer, so you know how it is.
Will I be ok?
Anxiety Support / by afloat
Last post
 April 15th, 2021
...See more Recently, my family's situation hasn't been good because of the racism we get from our neighbors, which involving my dogs that I love with all my heart have to be given away. My dogs mean a lot to me, they're probably the only reason why I'm alive even I don't do much in life. I feel guilty for forcing my parents to make it right for me because I just want them to be with me. I have a plan to move to another town after the covid situation there cools down, but now with this situation my dogs aren't safe here and I don't want to give them away, I have to make the decision right now and I will be moving in a few weeks with my dogs. Not only to save my dogs. But to grow, to get a job, to live independently which I absolutely don't know how. My anxiety is rising up at the moment, I'm overthinking and I'm so scared. I feel like a coward, I haven't even do anything yet I wanna give up. My sister told me I have to get out of my comfort zone to learn and grow yesterday, she's right and I know that but I don't know how to deal with these feelings. I'm not ready yet, I'm not ready to go outside, to the real adult world. I wrote down some small things I wanna achieve in life, so I can "motivate" myself but it's just getting scarier rather than clearer. I'm still not healed from what was hurting me, I never get the proper treatment for it, am I going to be like this forever? Wondering by myself, ignoring my feelings because it's too much to handle until I'm old enough to realize I'm no longer myself? I feel like already losing a lot of parts of me and I'm not ready for everything or anything at this moment. Ever since high school all I do was isolating myself from everything and everyone, my parents told me to go so I can grow and I'm not ready but I don't want to be like this forever.
Just a thought.
Trauma Support / by afloat
Last post
 February 27th, 2021
...See more I feel like I deserve an apology at least just from my parents. Every day, I'm trying to make sense of this pain and imagining people actually apologizing to me for what they did, then it's only becoming an endless loop. I had to forgive people who didn't feel sorry, so I had to move on but I don't have that power. * I wish my parents apologized to me for how they treated me, they treated me so well but they always abandon my emotional needs as if it wasn't there to be taken care of. I wish my parents agreed to let me stay at home when I didn't want to go to school, I wish my parents care why my grades were so bad, I wish my parents hug me, I wish they asked what happened at school, I wish they care about my well being more than my attendance at school. These little things they could've done could've prevented me from being like this. It's been 3 years and I'm not healing. I'm so mad at my dad especially, he never said one thing about my feelings even the day I finally spoke out about my trauma. I'm hurting.
Just wanted to let this out. *trigger warning*
Trauma Support / by afloat
Last post
 February 21st, 2021
...See more I've been on and off going to 7cups and apps similar to this, I feel so lonely and I always try to look for people or a place where I can freely talk about how I feel. Sometimes the case, I'm ashamed but mostly they don't really want to listen to me. I feel like losing my mind. I have so much anger and fear in me, even before the things that people did to me but I'm not becoming stronger like many people said. "Toughen it up", they said, but I wasn't born like that. I feel weaker. I just almost lost my control because I have this thought for days that somebody is going to do something bad to me and I'm so tired !! of people wanting to hurt me, of thinking people are going to hurt me. I know it's not proven yet, I know it's just still in my head but I know, I know I'm not safe. I just know. So then, I treated this person super badly when they talked or near me. I almost lose my control because I'm so angry at them, so angry even if they did nothing wrong, yet. I'm so angry that I'm not good to be sitting around here. It's eating up my mind, I shouldn't be like this. I just wish to have my mind erased.
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