TW/ Dealing with other people’s eating/exercise habits
I’ve struggled with my eating in different ways on and off for a few years now, at times I’ve restricted what I was eating but I worked hard to get to a place where I didn’t feel such a strong urge to do that. Recently I’ve been struggling with sort of exercise addiction and using exercise to compensate what I eat. I’ve been really trying to have a miren healthy relationship with food and exercise, but since November during Covid lockdowns I’ve been staying with my boyfriend and his family. It’s been really nice, but his mum regularly doesn’t eat breakfast until 11am or 12 or even later, and she talks a lot about how little she eats and the exercise she does. It’s really hard for me to hear this stuff because it’s like having the ED voice but from someone close to me. I have asked my boyfriend to speak to her and ask her to not say stuff like that in front of me, and she did stop for a while but today she said again about how she’d only had one meal and done a lot of exercise and was really hungry. I don’t know how to deal with it without feeling like I need to restrict, but also I’m worried that she’s struggling and I feel like I should do something to help.
i don’t believe she intended to be insensitive towards you but hearing things that may trigger you can be upsetting. please take time to do something you enjoy doing such as catching up with friends or reading a book. when we deal with a minor setback and feel conflicted i think we should take time and reflect on how far you’ve come because frankly i think you’ve done amazing for simply asking for advice. you are completely normal and i want to reassure of that. to help lighten your exercise addiction, try some yoga in case you may be doing cardio. it’ll help you feel more relief and in control of yourself. good luck lavender, you got this! :)
@lavenderMoon463 - That is definitely a tough situation to be in and I can understand why it would be really triggering to hear! The good news is that when your boyfriend brought it up before she stopped for a while, so that sounds like she does at least kind of get it and care, but likely over time she's forgotten and is falling back into old habits. It could be something as simple as just asking again or mentioning that hearing those things can be really tough for you.
You also mentioned being worried about her as well - it is 100% not your responsibility to heal her if she's not in a spot where she wants to change, but if you're feeling like you should say something, one option could be something like "hey, I've noticed you talk a lot about restricting - because of my history with an eating disorder, that's pretty triggering to hear, but also makes me concerned that you might be feeling the same way I have, so I wanted to check in and make sure you're okay / offer my support in finding resources"
Thank you very much for your understanding and advice, it means a lot. Often I tell myself I’m overreacting and should be able to just get over it, but of course that doesn’t help. I feel a bit nervous about talking to her directly and feel like it’s not my place, but maybe opening up to her would help her feel able to be honest with me. Anyway, thank you for your reply. <3