Starving Vs. Bingeing
I want to be open from the start that I do not have an eating disorder diagnosis however I do struggle everyday with thoughts about food and eating. I find a part of my mind is arguing over whether to eat at all or whether to completely pig out on loads and it doesn't matter which I do I get guilt and negative feelings a lot... when I do eat there are a number of habits I find myself doing and I am almost obsessive about keeping clean and tidy while I eat. I'm hoping I can find someone on here who understands any part of that at all...
I also do not have a diagnosis but understand the guilt that comes with eating. Recently I have realized that I do not have a healthy relationship with food. The problem for me is that I'm not 100% sure that I want to get help for it.
I also do not have an eating disorder but I struggle very much with eating and body image issues. My mind is constantly racing with thoughts about the way I look and how disgusting and worthless I am. Everytime I eat I feel guilty and hate myself, I look in the mirror and just want to cry. I wish I could turn my thoughts off. I can't take it anymore.
I feel like without a diagnosis I almost shouldn't be on this forum..like I feel guilt for some reason and I worry I won't be taken seriously.
Usually disordered (or strange) eating habits stem from needing to feel a sense of control over yourself and your outside environment. This might explain why you feel the need to keep clean or tidy when youdoeat. Also, just because you have not been officially diagnosed, it does not make your feelings (or actions) invalid or 'fake'! You know yourself the best, if you feel that you may have a mental illness then no one else here is qualified to invalidate your feelings.
Just because you are not "diagnosed" that does not mean that what you are going through is not real. I am not "diagnosed" however if i actually saw someone then i would be diagnosed with bulemia. You know for yourself what is hard for you! and i understnd you completley the daily struggle of weather not to eat or to just eat and never stop! and how you can feel completley out of control! Know that you are in control!!! no matter what you feel like!!!!!!!!! if you ever need to talk im here!!