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Not sure what my deal is anymore
pinkteacup2002 May 13th, 2023
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My anxiety has been changing my eating habits that I keep thinking about food. I'm aware that food won't hurt me but I get scared of choking on it. I don't care if food has an affect on my appearance which is why I'm wondering if it even counts as an eating disorder. I already feel like a burden on my parents for not eating well, which makes my anxiety worse, further starving myself even more. It's like I don't deserve food at all. I just don't know who else to turn to when I am financially not well enough to find a therapist in this country. I get so frustrated with myself that I'm not gaining any weight at all and recovering from this is hard on my own.

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pinkteacup2002 OP May 13th, 2023
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I've already seen a doctor to check my bmi levels and everything, there was one vitamin deficiency but I've been taking some iron tablets for that. It might be just stress but I there's literally nothing to be stressed about! It's so frustrating! My mom has had an eating disorder before I was born but I don't think that has anything to do with me. Maybe I am just crazy, but I'm scared of not getting enough nutrients even if I ate a whole meal. Ever since I've lost a ton of weight from straving myself for 3 days, I've been trying to look fatter and less slimmer.

pinkteacup2002 OP May 13th, 2023
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She used to purge after she's done eating, she thought it was a normal thing girls do but then she stopped when my dad found out about it. I don't know if it's genetics or something but I doubt it. Anyway, I ate without any worries today but then anxiety messed up lunch time. I had to eat slower when I felt too stressed. Please tell me this isn't an eating disorder. 😥

Mohtram May 13th, 2023
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Hello beautiful soul, I have read your letter with care, focus and great attention, and I am aware that what you are going through is difficult for you, and I am aware that you feel anxious because of your eating disorder and feel that you are a heavy burden on your father and this is normal for what you are going through, but believe me, you are a lovely person and you are not a burden on me Anyone, and through your words, I knew that you are nice, and this is not a compliment but real talk, and I do not like advice very much, but believe me, we will find a solution, and you are not alone, we all love you and with you and everything will be fine
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