New member + Support

Hi, I'm Nate. 13 and all pronouns. I just joined this community today.

I never thought I would end up talking about this, but here I am. I don't know for sure about any of this, and yes I will eventually get myself professionally diagnosed if symptoms continue occuring.

I was a very skinny child until I was around 6 years old, when I reached six I was around <edit> lbs, its okay, no big deal, haha.

<edit>

I really hope I don't gain anymore weight its shameful knowing i'm either addicted to food or avoiding it. I'm a little physically chubby, i'm a very tall kid, 5'9, so the weight goes along my body just fine.

Yes I know I am extremely overweight, my bare minimum weight I have to be is around <edit> lbs. bad parenting? no. I just ate a ton.

It's hard for me to love my body sometimes, especially right now. every time i'd fight with my mom or sister I'd eat a lot or eat too little, especially eating a lot to the point where i'm uncomfortably full, i'd feel sick, and instead of vomiting i'd purposely eat tons of dairy and make myself use the bathroom.

sometimes this would happen more then 2 times a day and this has been going on for two years, at one point I became insecure to eat at school (started last year) and I still don't eat at school.

eating and not eating is literally killing me. I hate working out and when I do, it doesn't help. i learned to love my body and its not everyday I feel insecure, but there's definitely more days where I am then loving my body.

I've taken multiple quizzes and the same answer shows up, "you might have an eating disorder" do I? do I really have an eating disorder? and if I do, how do I lose weight without doing my habits?

My body is 80% covered in stretchmarks and I learned to embrace the ones on my arms, sides, and back of my knees, because I learned even "pretty" people have them. I want people to normalize back stretch marks, I want people normalizing them, and I want to start by normalizing that because I have them.

my habits low-key seem like an eating disorder, no? I been questioning this for two years.

Eating disorders run in my family unknowingly, and nobody has got it professionally diagnosed but I know for a fact my uncle doesn't eat. I don't think I seen this man eat within the last.. two weeks or so? 

the times where it *looked* like i had an eating disorder, was the days I found myself eating once and sleeping a ton, and I had multiple phases like that. no use. i've done tons of research, its also useless. I give up.. 

So, Bulimia or anorexia or something else? or am I normal? (I don't think I am normal)