Finding balance and acceptance with binge eating

So, I have been in therapy for eating disorder for a while with me going from binging really high amounts to eating very little. One of the things I had to experiment with is to try and spread things out a bit more, so eat a little more (in terms of amount or sweet/unhealthy) during the lows so hopefully the binges would be a bit lower and things would balance out a bit over time.

But I have been struggling with this for a while now as eating more during these moments feels like I am now being bad/unhealthy all the time which plays with my emotions. But at the same time, I have been told to worry less about being perfect and allow myself, but this has become an argument to make it easier to get over the frustration of eating unhealthier at one end, but on the other end, when it comes to making the binges a bit lower, it has also become an easy excuse to just give in. Like "it is okay, move on, just do it, or go to the next" stuff like that. 

This is really bothering me as I feel like this way, if it goes on, there are no brakes or arguments to stop me from eating unhealthy or binge. I feel like I am losing the control a little bit, and all these conflicting emotions also cause fantasizing/thinking about food to cope. The main thing is that I should feel like I don't have to be perfect and can allow myself threats, but this instead of balance, this can also fall to being extremely bad/unhealthy all the time and I feel like it is going that way a little bit and I don't know what to do at the moment. 

Like last weekend, I overate a lot, even had cramps yesterday and thought that this was a good reminder to hit the brakes, like surely I am going to be healthier today because I clearly ate too much and this caused stomach issues right? Well, later that day, I am already again thinking about food, and even after holding on to the thought of wanting to not binge, I end up at the dinner table and here we go again.

It is like the time between cravings keeps getting shorter and even if I plan to do one thing, I get to the eating moment and it just U-turns, like it just happens to me and I am there like, yeah, it is happening again, unable to changing it, like I am not the one doing it or making the choice, but I am still the one doing it to myself or something...

Like I said, I am afraid that I keep struggling and keep giving in every time, while nog always justifying it and just keeping on the same track where I can't help myself or am in control. Anyone else who has experience with a journey of balancing, and the struggles that come with it and I am facing now?