Diet/Nutrition Accountability Thread (8/5-8/11)

Accountability - Monday, August 5th

Nothing to say... 

I ate what I was supposed to eat. 

After lunch I felt so bloated and fat, I tried not to think about it - or as Phoenix said, I tried to remind myself "I am not fat, I am full". 

But it's not easy. 

I also have a small issue to my right eye. It's slightly swollen on the outer side, I don't know why. It's just slightly swollen, it doesn't itch, it doesn't hurt. It's been like that for 3 days now, and the pharmacist said I could try with a cream but if it doesn't change I will need to make an appointment with the doctor. I already called and they gave me an appointment for next week, so I have to wait and hope it passes. In the meantime it's not nice to see myself "looking worse" than normal. I don't like myself when I'm ok, so when one of my eyes is swollen you can understand I am even less prone to even accepting myself. And if on top of that we consider that I feel fat, it's like a lot of things getting one on top of the other, making things worse... 

But ok, I'll overcome this too. 

Accountability, August 5th, 2024, Monday.

I am working on eating a little more. My normal three meals plus an extra protein shake spaced throughout the day in small amounts. I have a full one in the morning when I can get it down before all my medications. And then the second one is spaced out throughout the day per doctor's recommendation to try to increase my stomach volume. I almost made it today. Didn't quite get it all down, but almost there.

Still have the ED constipation problem and trying to deal with that. I have been making a switch the last two days from wall pilates to exercise snacks, and I have been using a combination of those from the Guardian article and the Darby exercise snacks which I shared.

Those are much harder than the wall pilates, but I am enjoying the challenge. I am not able to run or even jog like you two because of my balance issues, but these body weight exercises are a good enough challenge for me that it's a good balance with trying to eat more.

I'm feeling bloated right now, but trying to remember that I'm full as I just finished eating dinner. Here's looking forward to a good week for all of us!

Accountability 8/5

Today I got back "on-track" after Sunday's misstep. I felt motivated to do so, and just tried to recall throughout the day how much better I felt when I was eating properly. 

I volunteered for the first time at a local retirement community and met an older gentleman who needs help recording his autobiography. It was really nice just to meet the guy and hear is experiences. I looked into the opportunity to volunteer last month and am trying to get myself out more to help others. It also gives me something to do that isn't focused around food, and motivation for me to "stay on track" so that I can be at my best.

Diet wise I did well. I am also feel bloated and chunky ( we are all in this club it seems!) but I know that is because of my misstep the other night. The sessions send my digestive system out of whack. Despite this I looked in the mirror and don't quite look bloated, but I just feel weighed down.

Still on track for my 90% of healthy eating this month.

Accountability – Tuesday, August 6th

Started my day with some exercise and then spent a normal morning at work.
In the afternoon I had to take one of my two dogs to the vet, quite far from home as we needed a consult from a specialized surgeon regarding some “bubbles” on his gums. They had to keep him for a couple of hours for scans and a biopsy, so I took my stuff and went to the city centre and found a small bar where I got coffee and followed an online course while I waited. I had my normal snack, brought from home, so it felt like I was doing normal things and I wasn’t either restricting my meals (in the past the fact that I was out meant I had the chance to say “I couldn’t eat even if I wanted to”) nor eating something bad (as I would have felt if I had ordered something at the bar).
The fact that I was out of my usual routine, and that I was a little bit worried about my dog, meant I didn’t really think about my body very much. Yes, there were times while I was there at the bar, when I thought “let me fix my t-shirt, otherwise they might see my rolls on my belly” or things like that, but it was very very limited.

For dinner I restricted a little bit. Not much, but I found myself eating slightly less protein because I didn’t want to open another packet, or having a little less carbs because that was a portion… But hey, that’s what they actually told me, right? I should be eating “portions”, not exact grams. And I actually spent the entire afternoon either driving or sitting, so I wasn’t really that hungry. In the end dinner was perfect for what my body needed at the moment, even if it was a little less.

The night before we’ve had a brief visit from a friend who was driving past our house and just stopped for 5 minutes to say hello. When he saw me he said “wow, you’re in great shape!” and it made me feel better about eating more these days. I know I sound vain and stupid, but it felt good. I wish I could see the great shape he referred to, but I’ll take the compliment!

Looking forward to reading everyone’s days and accomplishments! 

August 6

Today was another "normal" day! A good workout in the morning, run, and walk. Since I am not teaching summer school for the next two weeks I again have to "battle" my boredom at times. But this has been easier. I felt a little tired after lunch so decided to take a nap, something that I often feel "guilty" about.

Around 3:30, when I would normally get home from teaching, I did my little 10 minute exercise snack. I'm trying to find the right "balance" between something challenging but not too difficult. I know with my personality that I want it to be something consistent I can do and that I look forward to, not something I dread.

Dinner/Evening went relatively smoothly. Less temptations to binge in the evening which is refreshing. 

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!

Accountability – Wednesday 7th

Started my day with a morning run (sprints) and an easy morning at the office.
In the afternoon a colleague proposed we took advantage of the “calm” pre-holiday days to clean up the office, put a lot of older documents into the archive, etc. and let me tell you… Running is less tiring!

I went up and down the stairs 38 times yesterday afternoon!!! And every time moving heavy boxes and stuff.

Another colleague came to the rescue with croissants mid-afternoon, to celebrate that yesterday was her last day before the holidays (she finished two days early).

The first reaction was “I cannot eat that”.  Then I told myself to act like a normal person, that one sweet treat would not ruin my entire life as I eat fine 99% of the time. And I also told myself my body was probably already burning most of it (between my run and all the work of that afternoon, which wasn’t even halfway done at the point of our croissant break!). So I took a deep breath and accepted the sweet treat.

The colleague who offered us the croissants is actually the only one of my colleagues who knows about my condition. So she looked at me a little concerned, but she kept everything to herself. And she smiled when I accepted the croissant, so it made me happy to see her being happy about my normal behaviour.

When I got home I had dinner and ate 99% of what I had to eat. I just had like 5 grams of oil less than I should have had.
But all in all I thought croissants have butter, oils etc. so I definitively wasn’t in a deficit.

Another thing that made me accept the croissant was that I weighted myself in the morning when I got up.
I shouldn’t have. The therapist and the dietician told me not to weight myself and actually throw all the scales. But I hadn’t been checking my weight for an entire week and couldn’t resist. But before I stepped onto the scale I told myself I would accept it had gone up, and that it was actually good for my health if it went up.

I must say I was more than happy when I saw the weight was exactly the same as last week, the last time I checked it. I know my happiness about the weight is exactly the reason why I should avoid checking it, as they say I must increase it a little bit. But I couldn’t help being happy about it. And I am actually eating more, and having more energy for my runs, the gym, the office clean ups… So the fact that the weight remained the same is actually something that I think could help me remain on this road. If it had gone up, maybe I would have started restricting more. I would have said no to the croissant. But since it remained the same, it gave me a little bit more peace of mind, and allowed me to accept the treat, or eat some dishes with slightly less control.

Thanks for having read so much!
Today I was bitten by the bug of verbose writing 

Wed August 7th

Had a nice restful night and woke up to a good leg workout/run. Checked up on my 7 cups pals 😊 and had a relaxing morning.

I met my sister, mom, dad, and nephews for lunch at a healthy place we all enjoy. I was on the fence about trying something new, after the weekend debacle, and stuck with my "usual". Although I did look up the nutrition facts and found that the Quinoa bowl had less carbs than the Chicken/Avocado Salad (my typical choice). I would guess this is likely due to the dressing ect. Either way, I am typically "okay" at this restaurant and had a nice time with my family.

Evening came and I still tweaked my 10 minute routine in the afternoon. My legs are a bit extra sore from my workout so I did more isometric/yoga moves and stretches. It still got my heart rate up and gave me a little confidence boost for the evening.

Kept dinner down and went to bed a little earlier.

One thing that dawned on me, and is likely a root cause of my ED, is confidence. I recognized that much of my self-confidence comes from what I see in the mirror. Not the healthiest source, but there it is. When I feel like I "look good" then my confidence improves. Thinking back I have always struggled with this, despite never really being overweight or "unpopular" I guess I just never see what others do. So my new thoughts are that I want to start improving self-confidence that aren't directly related to my body. I want to look at when I choose to eat healthy itself as the "victory" and not the fact that it will make me look a certain way.

Just some "food for thought" that dawned on me.

Hope you all have a splendid day!

August 8

Another good day overall. Met with my "work mom" and her sister for lunch and had a healthy meal. She told her sister how I am a "healthy" eater, which I generally am, especially in public. Both her and her sister are eat well also, so it was not a negative comment. It just reminds me of what "people" see versus the regular challenges I have with food. Challenges I am working on overcoming :)

All meals were healthy and kept down. It feels good to be back on track and I'm trying not to "think" about how many positive days I've had in a row, but simply just take everything a day at a time.

Small steps but steps none the less.

Accontability for Thursday, August 8th

I don’t know if I can say this was a good day or a bad day.

It went well for most part.

For dinner I was home alone as my husband had a pre-planned dinner with his colleagues (he works quite far, it’s a 1-hour drive so he didn’t come home and spent the night at his parents’ house which is closer). I had some ham in the fridge which was about to expire in a couple of days’ time and I decided to prepare myself a sandwich and some vegetables. It was an “out of my comfort zone” meal because I associate sandwiches with unhealthy meals or extra meals, but I was preparing mine with the quantities of food that are actually in my diet, so it was a way to actually eat something that was ok but still push my brain to think I was not fully in control. And most of all I normally spend a lot of time cooking (which I love!) but I love doing it for my husband or when there’s someone sharing the meal with me. If it’s just myself and I, I don’t have the same kind of willingness to spend time cooking.

Anyway.

I had a tomato and a cucumber in the fridge which weren’t looking their best, so I cut them up.
Then I prepared my sandwich and started heating it. The ham wasn’t expired but it didn’t smell exactly good. But it didn’t smell that bad either. I guessed cooking it would make it fine. I weighted the bread and used 20 grams less than I was supposed to. But bread is always difficult for me…

While the sandwich was heating up, I started eating the vegetables (I restricted the oil too, using half). The tomato was a little bitter… I said it wasn’t looking perfect, but hey, I don’t waste food.

Once I finished the vegetables I ate the sandwich. Still a little bit bitter? Maybe my mouth was “ruined” by the tomato. Well, it would be a pity to waste food. Luckily it’s just for me, my husband isn’t here, I just have to eat just for the sake of it – it doesn’t need to be perfect.

I finished my meal, cleaned up and… My  god. I started to feel awful.

Something was definitively off!!! I should have paid more attention but I really didn’t think the food had actually gone bad!

I don’t recall anything like that ever happening to me before, but I don’t think I lasted more than half an hour before I had to run to the bathroom to throw up.

Sorry, I know it’s not the nicest thing to read… But it happened.

Phoenix, I hope this doesn’t trigger you!!!

I thought about you in that moment.
Again… Sorry. I know it’s not a nice thing to read or to think you’ve been in my thoughts in that moment!

But I actually thought about you because I realized how hard it is to throw up, how bad you feel, how shaken up your body gets when it has to go through this experience. And you were in my thoughts because I actually felt bad thinking about how sad and tired you must feel when that happens.
I already knew it of course, but actually living a similar experience I  thing brought me even closer to you, as it allowed me to actually live a part of what you’ve gone through. I know it’s not the same feeling ill for something wrong you ate, or throwing up because you want to purge after a binge.

But… Yeah. That’s what I thought.
I think these posts we share really made me think about you as an actual friend and supporter, so when this happened I didn’t really think about me, I thought about you.

Throwing up really fixed me up.
After I did it, I immediately felt better.

Before I went to bed I ate some fruit and yogurt just because I thought “I had to eat something” – in the past I would have used this experience as an excuse to avoid eating, but this time I told myself no, I must eat something otherwise tomorrow morning I will feel *** and will not have the energy for sports.

In the end I know I didn’t eat what I was supposed to eat.
But I think it was a positive day anyway, because I actually ate something. I just didn’t have an actual dinner because I don’t know if my body would have allowed it after feeling ill, but I still tried.

I know it wasn’t a completely positive day because I had restricted my dinner (carbs and fats). I will not hide it, I was not going to be a good girl. But maybe with the yogurt I “saved the day” shutting up my ED brain which had made me take the wrong decisions before… 

Accountability for Friday, August 9th 

Last day of work before my company’s summer break. Had breakfast, snacks and lunch according to the plan. Dinner was a quick slice of pizza with vegetables because we had to drive for a couple of hours to go to a lake in the mountains where we spent the night kayaking and watching the stars while actually being in the middle of the lake, just floating and gazing at the sky. Our guides said the kayaking trip was about 7 km (4.35 miles) - I have no way of knowing if that’s true or not, but I gladly take that as my daily movement. 

While having that slice of pizza I felt quite guilty, especially because I thought about all the other times I will have to eat out in the next few days. But moving helped diminish the guilt (or at least took my mind from that thought) and today I am going to try and eat “normally”. 

Wishing you al a great weekend