Diet/Nutrition Accountability Thread (8/5-8/11)

Accountability - Monday, August 5th

Nothing to say... 

I ate what I was supposed to eat. 

After lunch I felt so bloated and fat, I tried not to think about it - or as Phoenix said, I tried to remind myself "I am not fat, I am full". 

But it's not easy. 

I also have a small issue to my right eye. It's slightly swollen on the outer side, I don't know why. It's just slightly swollen, it doesn't itch, it doesn't hurt. It's been like that for 3 days now, and the pharmacist said I could try with a cream but if it doesn't change I will need to make an appointment with the doctor. I already called and they gave me an appointment for next week, so I have to wait and hope it passes. In the meantime it's not nice to see myself "looking worse" than normal. I don't like myself when I'm ok, so when one of my eyes is swollen you can understand I am even less prone to even accepting myself. And if on top of that we consider that I feel fat, it's like a lot of things getting one on top of the other, making things worse... 

But ok, I'll overcome this too. 

@Turtleonmyleftarm,

Hi, @Turtle, and thanks once again for starting this week's thread. I just finished dinner and cleaning up, and like you, I feel bloated and fat. I'll have to remember that I just am full.

I didn't overeat, didn't binge, ate my normal amount, and I've been trying to eat more during the day, spacing it out, and still haven't been able to gain any weight. But tomorrow I talk to my primary care physician, and we'll see what she has to say.

It's a bit of a coincidence that you've had this swelling over your eye, because I had one last week, and I don't know what caused it, but I guess it must have been some insect bit me in my eyelid and caused my eyelid to swell up and redden and almost eliminate my ability to see in my left eye. I hope that you're in better shape than I was last week.

Let's remember that we are full and not bloated as we move into the coming week. Keep up the good work!

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Sounds like a good day diet wise turtle! Sometimes "no news" is good news!

I think we have all just developed this idea, at least myself, that after I eat and feel full that I am "fat". I am trying to rewire this to as I said, just full. Speaking for myself when I am looking at all the super fit people or celebrity super-hero bodies (which are unrealistic I know) we are seeing a glimpse of what that person looks like. Problem is for me is I want to look like I'm in my greatest post-workout body shape all the time. It is a mental habit I just need to work on and be rational about.

Interesting about your eye, I hope it is just minor. It may be allergies? I'm not sure if your body responds to pollen/air quality but it could be that. I hope it does not interrupt your holiday too much!

Glad that my mantra is helping some, if even a tiny bit :)

Hi @enigmaticOcean8813 and @Phoenix22k

Thank you for your replies!

Ocean, how’s you eye now?
Mine is slowly starting to get better.
To reply to Phoenix, no I don’t think it’s an allergy. It’s probably more something like stye or similar.
Well… It’s difficult for me to write this because it would be kind of “accepting/realizing” it,  but I think it could be a generic infection/swelling caused by stress and a lower immunitary defenses.

If I think about it, I come from a period where I have been restricting quite a lot and put my body under a lot of stress. And I keep training almost everyday, and not just “snacks” but rather actual runs and gym. So it could also be a way my body is asking me to relax… But it’s difficult for me to do it as of right now.

Anyway it seems it’s getting better, and I am giving it more fuel, so hopefully it will solve soon!

Accountability, August 5th, 2024, Monday.

I am working on eating a little more. My normal three meals plus an extra protein shake spaced throughout the day in small amounts. I have a full one in the morning when I can get it down before all my medications. And then the second one is spaced out throughout the day per doctor's recommendation to try to increase my stomach volume. I almost made it today. Didn't quite get it all down, but almost there.

Still have the ED constipation problem and trying to deal with that. I have been making a switch the last two days from wall pilates to exercise snacks, and I have been using a combination of those from the Guardian article and the Darby exercise snacks which I shared.

Those are much harder than the wall pilates, but I am enjoying the challenge. I am not able to run or even jog like you two because of my balance issues, but these body weight exercises are a good enough challenge for me that it's a good balance with trying to eat more.

I'm feeling bloated right now, but trying to remember that I'm full as I just finished eating dinner. Here's looking forward to a good week for all of us!

@enigmaticOcean8813

Great progress Ocean! It is so nice to hear you are making some steps in eating more, especially protein. In the end it will hopefully help you build some muscle tissue, feel full, and I hope you feel "good" about what you are consuming. It is a healthy choice, and not candy bars ect.

I'm also really proud of you for adding a bit of exercise into your routine. I feel bad telling people sometimes they should exercise, but just know that it has truly "saved my life". And of course you do what you are capable of doing, we are all on our own journeys. There are a lot of inspiring stories out there of people who have had challenges, start with small steps of exercise, and grow tremendously from there.

Hoping you have a great Tuesday!

Hi @enigmaticOcean8813

Great job eating more and including more movement into your day.

I can understand what @Phoenix22k means when he says he feels bad telling people they should exercise, because especially with people with eating disorders there’s always the stigma of “they train because they want to burn calories” but it’s true that it can save lives.

And with your health challenges I think smaller movement snacks or wall pilates could be really beneficial in adding strength, balance and other things that will actually help you in your everyday life.

Keep up the good work! Me and Phoenix22k really admire you!

Accountability 8/5

Today I got back "on-track" after Sunday's misstep. I felt motivated to do so, and just tried to recall throughout the day how much better I felt when I was eating properly. 

I volunteered for the first time at a local retirement community and met an older gentleman who needs help recording his autobiography. It was really nice just to meet the guy and hear is experiences. I looked into the opportunity to volunteer last month and am trying to get myself out more to help others. It also gives me something to do that isn't focused around food, and motivation for me to "stay on track" so that I can be at my best.

Diet wise I did well. I am also feel bloated and chunky ( we are all in this club it seems!) but I know that is because of my misstep the other night. The sessions send my digestive system out of whack. Despite this I looked in the mirror and don't quite look bloated, but I just feel weighed down.

Still on track for my 90% of healthy eating this month.

@Phoenix22k

Hi @Phoenix22k

It’s so nice you’re volounteering and doing such amazing things with young people and also older people.
It’s amazing this older gentleman is recording his autobiography! I don’t mean to ask for spoilers (books must be bought and read!) but may I ask what “special” things he has done in his life, to make him want to write an autobiography? Just in general, like “he was a doctor that created the cure for xyz”. Just to have a rough idea.

Regarding Sunday’s misstep, I was listening to a podcast yesterday and I heard a sentence that made me think of you. It said something like “every setback has a comeback”, and they meant that when something bad/wrong happens, sometimes it’s not entirely a bad thing, because it will allow you to get back on your feet and learn from that mistake, and get better. Every time we fall (or fail), we improve. And as much as it’s a pity you had your misstep on Sunday, I think it was also useful for you to understand how to get back on track and treat you gently. And the next time you’ll know how you’ve felt after you’ve had that misstep, and you will be able to tell yourself you don’t want to live that again, and hopefully it will stop you.

Keep up the good work! 90% is an amazing result!!! 

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Hey! So when I met with the gentleman yesterday we just basically chatted and talked. He is probably in his 80s, but has quite a backstory. I don't know of any astonishing achievements he has made just yet but he is an interesting guy. He was talking about how he operated his father's pharmacy at the age of 28 after his father unexpectedly passed, then he went into helping with a local landscaping business. So it sounds like his life has quite a few twists and turns. His stories and challenges he went through have helped me take inventory of my life and realize despite it all, how great I do have it in comparison. I plan to meet with him next week to help him get back to recording.

I love your input and the "every setback has a comeback" ! I will think of that more frequently. It reminds me of the quote in the one Batman movie "Why do we fall Bruce? So we can get back up". So true. Thanks for that boost!

Accountability – Tuesday, August 6th

Started my day with some exercise and then spent a normal morning at work.
In the afternoon I had to take one of my two dogs to the vet, quite far from home as we needed a consult from a specialized surgeon regarding some “bubbles” on his gums. They had to keep him for a couple of hours for scans and a biopsy, so I took my stuff and went to the city centre and found a small bar where I got coffee and followed an online course while I waited. I had my normal snack, brought from home, so it felt like I was doing normal things and I wasn’t either restricting my meals (in the past the fact that I was out meant I had the chance to say “I couldn’t eat even if I wanted to”) nor eating something bad (as I would have felt if I had ordered something at the bar).
The fact that I was out of my usual routine, and that I was a little bit worried about my dog, meant I didn’t really think about my body very much. Yes, there were times while I was there at the bar, when I thought “let me fix my t-shirt, otherwise they might see my rolls on my belly” or things like that, but it was very very limited.

For dinner I restricted a little bit. Not much, but I found myself eating slightly less protein because I didn’t want to open another packet, or having a little less carbs because that was a portion… But hey, that’s what they actually told me, right? I should be eating “portions”, not exact grams. And I actually spent the entire afternoon either driving or sitting, so I wasn’t really that hungry. In the end dinner was perfect for what my body needed at the moment, even if it was a little less.

The night before we’ve had a brief visit from a friend who was driving past our house and just stopped for 5 minutes to say hello. When he saw me he said “wow, you’re in great shape!” and it made me feel better about eating more these days. I know I sound vain and stupid, but it felt good. I wish I could see the great shape he referred to, but I’ll take the compliment!

Looking forward to reading everyone’s days and accomplishments! 

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Great job yesterday! Getting out of your comfort zone, planning your snacks/eating accordingly, and listening to your body about what/when to eat. These are all really big accomplishments! I think you are just fine in how you adjusted your caloric intake based on how you were feeling and it doesn't sound like the restriction was much. Your ED brain might have a little to do with that since you were sitting/driving most of the day, but I feel it was a fair compromise.

I'm glad that an old friend gave you that positive comment! We are our toughest critics, and our ED's do not allow us to see ourselves as others do. I do not think it is vain, but you are right that society tends to not allow us to take compliments. I say embrace it though as it is a great way to advocate your new diet and motivate you. You are awesome!

I am sorry to hear about your puppy's health though. I hope that it is nothing serious! Are they going to give you an update soon? 

@Phoenix22k

Hi Phoenix,

Thanks for your concern!

We noticed that Marvin was eating slower than usual, and found some lumps on his gums. The vet said it could be benign growths but I decided not to take any risk and took him to a specialized vet. They did a scan plus a biopsy and we’re waiting for the results, but in any case in September he will have to undergo a little surgery to remove the growths, clean his teeth and remove a couple of damaged ones.

It “should” not be too serious but it’s always a worry when something like that happens. Especially with our animals since they are unable to actually tell us how they feel or what’s wrong. But they told me we should not worry, and that everything should be fine. So fingers crossed!

@Turtleonmyleftarm

That is a relief to hear it sounds minor! Just like you said it is scary with animals as they can't tell us what is wrong. My cat scared me a few years back with "odd" behaviors and I could tell he was in pain but had no clue what was wrong. It turned out to just be a UTI. Of course, if you search online "what is wrong with my cat" it can be anything from "they are having a bad day - deadly disease" 

@Phoenix22k
True about cats' strange behaviours when they're not feeling ok 🤣

August 6

Today was another "normal" day! A good workout in the morning, run, and walk. Since I am not teaching summer school for the next two weeks I again have to "battle" my boredom at times. But this has been easier. I felt a little tired after lunch so decided to take a nap, something that I often feel "guilty" about.

Around 3:30, when I would normally get home from teaching, I did my little 10 minute exercise snack. I'm trying to find the right "balance" between something challenging but not too difficult. I know with my personality that I want it to be something consistent I can do and that I look forward to, not something I dread.

Dinner/Evening went relatively smoothly. Less temptations to binge in the evening which is refreshing. 

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!

@Phoenix22k

Hi Phoenix,

Sounds like you had a good day!

I feel “guilty” about napping too. It’s getting better, in the last couple of weeks I felt my body really needed me to do it, so I allowed myself a couple of weekend naps. But I used to feel the same.

It really seems we’re all wired in the same way on certain aspects…
I am glad you’re making such progresses!!!

The best days are the ones where there isn’t too much to say 💜

Accountability – Wednesday 7th

Started my day with a morning run (sprints) and an easy morning at the office.
In the afternoon a colleague proposed we took advantage of the “calm” pre-holiday days to clean up the office, put a lot of older documents into the archive, etc. and let me tell you… Running is less tiring!

I went up and down the stairs 38 times yesterday afternoon!!! And every time moving heavy boxes and stuff.

Another colleague came to the rescue with croissants mid-afternoon, to celebrate that yesterday was her last day before the holidays (she finished two days early).

The first reaction was “I cannot eat that”.  Then I told myself to act like a normal person, that one sweet treat would not ruin my entire life as I eat fine 99% of the time. And I also told myself my body was probably already burning most of it (between my run and all the work of that afternoon, which wasn’t even halfway done at the point of our croissant break!). So I took a deep breath and accepted the sweet treat.

The colleague who offered us the croissants is actually the only one of my colleagues who knows about my condition. So she looked at me a little concerned, but she kept everything to herself. And she smiled when I accepted the croissant, so it made me happy to see her being happy about my normal behaviour.

When I got home I had dinner and ate 99% of what I had to eat. I just had like 5 grams of oil less than I should have had.
But all in all I thought croissants have butter, oils etc. so I definitively wasn’t in a deficit.

Another thing that made me accept the croissant was that I weighted myself in the morning when I got up.
I shouldn’t have. The therapist and the dietician told me not to weight myself and actually throw all the scales. But I hadn’t been checking my weight for an entire week and couldn’t resist. But before I stepped onto the scale I told myself I would accept it had gone up, and that it was actually good for my health if it went up.

I must say I was more than happy when I saw the weight was exactly the same as last week, the last time I checked it. I know my happiness about the weight is exactly the reason why I should avoid checking it, as they say I must increase it a little bit. But I couldn’t help being happy about it. And I am actually eating more, and having more energy for my runs, the gym, the office clean ups… So the fact that the weight remained the same is actually something that I think could help me remain on this road. If it had gone up, maybe I would have started restricting more. I would have said no to the croissant. But since it remained the same, it gave me a little bit more peace of mind, and allowed me to accept the treat, or eat some dishes with slightly less control.

Thanks for having read so much!
Today I was bitten by the bug of verbose writing 

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Wow turtle it sounds like an amazing day for you! Know that I am smiling and truly happy for all of the success you had, and have been having! 

It seems like you are learning how to "talk" to your ED brain. Rationalizing your Croissant, recgonizing that you eat well 99% of the time, and then making slight adjustments later on, I think respects your ED brain and also keeps you on track for your new goals. I am so proud of you for not letting it ruin your day or impact your thoughts too much.

It is also great to hear about your "Scale" victory. Though you did break a few rules there ( I won't tell) it is nice to have that extra boost of confidence in seeing that your new diet is not derailing your weight. The new energy you have, confidence, and strength are all results of the nutrition as well.

Such great work and I am so happy for you!! 😄

Wed August 7th

Had a nice restful night and woke up to a good leg workout/run. Checked up on my 7 cups pals 😊 and had a relaxing morning.

I met my sister, mom, dad, and nephews for lunch at a healthy place we all enjoy. I was on the fence about trying something new, after the weekend debacle, and stuck with my "usual". Although I did look up the nutrition facts and found that the Quinoa bowl had less carbs than the Chicken/Avocado Salad (my typical choice). I would guess this is likely due to the dressing ect. Either way, I am typically "okay" at this restaurant and had a nice time with my family.

Evening came and I still tweaked my 10 minute routine in the afternoon. My legs are a bit extra sore from my workout so I did more isometric/yoga moves and stretches. It still got my heart rate up and gave me a little confidence boost for the evening.

Kept dinner down and went to bed a little earlier.

One thing that dawned on me, and is likely a root cause of my ED, is confidence. I recognized that much of my self-confidence comes from what I see in the mirror. Not the healthiest source, but there it is. When I feel like I "look good" then my confidence improves. Thinking back I have always struggled with this, despite never really being overweight or "unpopular" I guess I just never see what others do. So my new thoughts are that I want to start improving self-confidence that aren't directly related to my body. I want to look at when I choose to eat healthy itself as the "victory" and not the fact that it will make me look a certain way.

Just some "food for thought" that dawned on me.

Hope you all have a splendid day!

@Phoenix22k

Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I think it's a really important step to recognize how your self-confidence is tied to what you see in the mirror, but even more so, the fact that you want to shift your focus to something healthier and more sustainable is really positive. Focusing on the choice to eat healthy itself as a victory is a mindset that could truly make a difference in the long run.

I find it truly incredible how self-confidence is such an important and difficult thing to achieve. But above all, how it’s a trait that is mainly linked to what we feel inside and only partially influenced by external factors. Sure, being surrounded by people who constantly tell you that you’re the best or that you look amazing helps. But what really influences us is our own perception. And no matter what others say, we’ll always be our own worst critics. If I remember correctly, we’ve talked before about how we often see flaws in ourselves that others don’t. So, you see? We always come back to the same point...

I hope you can learn to see yourself through my eyes, which only see the best in you, and that you manage to treat yourself with kindness because you deserve it

August 8

Another good day overall. Met with my "work mom" and her sister for lunch and had a healthy meal. She told her sister how I am a "healthy" eater, which I generally am, especially in public. Both her and her sister are eat well also, so it was not a negative comment. It just reminds me of what "people" see versus the regular challenges I have with food. Challenges I am working on overcoming :)

All meals were healthy and kept down. It feels good to be back on track and I'm trying not to "think" about how many positive days I've had in a row, but simply just take everything a day at a time.

Small steps but steps none the less.

@Phoenix22k

Hi Phoenix,

It’s so good to read you’ve had another good day!

You’re right, what people see/perceive is different than what we go through in our real life.
But I think the comment on healthy eating is good and you should actually read it as a way for you to keep eating healthy.

Next time your brain tells you to eat something more, or to throw everything out of the window, just think about this lunch and this comment.
Think about how people admire your healthy choice and make sure you follow this up. Keep being healthy!

You’re so strong! You can do it! You’re doing an amazing job!!!

Accontability for Thursday, August 8th

I don’t know if I can say this was a good day or a bad day.

It went well for most part.

For dinner I was home alone as my husband had a pre-planned dinner with his colleagues (he works quite far, it’s a 1-hour drive so he didn’t come home and spent the night at his parents’ house which is closer). I had some ham in the fridge which was about to expire in a couple of days’ time and I decided to prepare myself a sandwich and some vegetables. It was an “out of my comfort zone” meal because I associate sandwiches with unhealthy meals or extra meals, but I was preparing mine with the quantities of food that are actually in my diet, so it was a way to actually eat something that was ok but still push my brain to think I was not fully in control. And most of all I normally spend a lot of time cooking (which I love!) but I love doing it for my husband or when there’s someone sharing the meal with me. If it’s just myself and I, I don’t have the same kind of willingness to spend time cooking.

Anyway.

I had a tomato and a cucumber in the fridge which weren’t looking their best, so I cut them up.
Then I prepared my sandwich and started heating it. The ham wasn’t expired but it didn’t smell exactly good. But it didn’t smell that bad either. I guessed cooking it would make it fine. I weighted the bread and used 20 grams less than I was supposed to. But bread is always difficult for me…

While the sandwich was heating up, I started eating the vegetables (I restricted the oil too, using half). The tomato was a little bitter… I said it wasn’t looking perfect, but hey, I don’t waste food.

Once I finished the vegetables I ate the sandwich. Still a little bit bitter? Maybe my mouth was “ruined” by the tomato. Well, it would be a pity to waste food. Luckily it’s just for me, my husband isn’t here, I just have to eat just for the sake of it – it doesn’t need to be perfect.

I finished my meal, cleaned up and… My  god. I started to feel awful.

Something was definitively off!!! I should have paid more attention but I really didn’t think the food had actually gone bad!

I don’t recall anything like that ever happening to me before, but I don’t think I lasted more than half an hour before I had to run to the bathroom to throw up.

Sorry, I know it’s not the nicest thing to read… But it happened.

Phoenix, I hope this doesn’t trigger you!!!

I thought about you in that moment.
Again… Sorry. I know it’s not a nice thing to read or to think you’ve been in my thoughts in that moment!

But I actually thought about you because I realized how hard it is to throw up, how bad you feel, how shaken up your body gets when it has to go through this experience. And you were in my thoughts because I actually felt bad thinking about how sad and tired you must feel when that happens.
I already knew it of course, but actually living a similar experience I  thing brought me even closer to you, as it allowed me to actually live a part of what you’ve gone through. I know it’s not the same feeling ill for something wrong you ate, or throwing up because you want to purge after a binge.

But… Yeah. That’s what I thought.
I think these posts we share really made me think about you as an actual friend and supporter, so when this happened I didn’t really think about me, I thought about you.

Throwing up really fixed me up.
After I did it, I immediately felt better.

Before I went to bed I ate some fruit and yogurt just because I thought “I had to eat something” – in the past I would have used this experience as an excuse to avoid eating, but this time I told myself no, I must eat something otherwise tomorrow morning I will feel *** and will not have the energy for sports.

In the end I know I didn’t eat what I was supposed to eat.
But I think it was a positive day anyway, because I actually ate something. I just didn’t have an actual dinner because I don’t know if my body would have allowed it after feeling ill, but I still tried.

I know it wasn’t a completely positive day because I had restricted my dinner (carbs and fats). I will not hide it, I was not going to be a good girl. But maybe with the yogurt I “saved the day” shutting up my ED brain which had made me take the wrong decisions before… 

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Oh wow what an eventful afternoon! It definitely sounds like something was "off" with the food and likely might have been the ham. Either way your body did not like it and I think that you recovered well.

Your story did not trigger me, but I am touched that you thought of me in that moment. I find myself thinking of you often as well with all the "victories" you have been having, and when I go out to eat trying to push myself a little further out of my comfort zone as well. Oh and any time I see anything Turtle related 😃. Someone had a sticker on their car with one and I thought of you.

I'm sorry you had the experience of throwing up, but I do commend you for still eating something afterwards to "recover". You body loses a lot of water in the process as well so fruit and the added protein I think was a good choice. While it may not have been your "ideal" macros for the day, I think that the possible food poisoning is a fair reason as to why. I think that your quick turn-around and willingness to eat something is a huge success. I could imagine your ED brain just going "forget the food" but you overcome and still ate a healthy meal.

Perhaps have a real tasty meal today to make up for it!

Sending love and also just thanks for thinking of me, supporting me, and being a partner during our recovery. You are an inspiration Turtle!

Thank you for such a kind and nice reply ❤️

Accountability for Friday, August 9th 

Last day of work before my company’s summer break. Had breakfast, snacks and lunch according to the plan. Dinner was a quick slice of pizza with vegetables because we had to drive for a couple of hours to go to a lake in the mountains where we spent the night kayaking and watching the stars while actually being in the middle of the lake, just floating and gazing at the sky. Our guides said the kayaking trip was about 7 km (4.35 miles) - I have no way of knowing if that’s true or not, but I gladly take that as my daily movement. 

While having that slice of pizza I felt quite guilty, especially because I thought about all the other times I will have to eat out in the next few days. But moving helped diminish the guilt (or at least took my mind from that thought) and today I am going to try and eat “normally”. 

Wishing you al a great weekend 

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Sounds like a wonderful kayaking trip and weekend ahead for you! Floating out in the lake and gazing at the starts sounds amazing! It is also a good form of exercise and will work out some different muscles than you may be used to.

It also sounds like some challenges ahead with your diet. Hopefully the movement, beautiful views, and kayaking will help take your mind off the food. Perhaps think of each meal as a chance to grow your "diet" muscles and resolve. Our bodies are resilient, and in comparison to what so many other people eat/treat their bodies you are doing a great job choosing the healthy options.

Personally, I know what getting out of a diet/routine can do to my mental state, so I'm sending you positive thoughts and hoping that ED brain quiets down and lets you enjoy your trip. If it "kicks in" just try and tell it to leave you be to relax, imagine sending it away to me here in the US to deal with it haha. 

Hopefully that will at least bring some joy and a moment of peace. Enjoy!

August 9

A nice relaxing Friday and after my workout went Bowling with my Dad in his retirement league. They do not mind having a youngster join them, and it is so nice having time off to do so and spend this time with him. It also just helps to get me out of the house and not focus on my diet.

The rest of the day was pretty "lazy". It rained throughout so I spend most of the time inside. It did bother me that I was not able to go out and get a walk in and I kept thinking of myself as "lazy" which is just... not true. But my ED brain likes to tell me so. 

I get up at 4:30, workout until around 6:00 and start my day. Why is it I feel guilty about not getting a few extra steps in? I also am starting to feel the same way with my mini-exercise snacks. That if I do not do them I'm "lazy".  Just some thoughts I need to unpack, find the source of, and rationalize. 

Otherwise, diet was successful and kept everything down. Energy/mood mostly improving, but guilt and shame are still some strong emotions.

Tomorrow is looking to be a beautiful day so I will be sure to embrace the nicer weather and get outside :)

Hi Phoenix!

I think it’s amazing you had the “emotional intelligence” to understand what you’re feeling and write it down. I think writing really helps putting things into the right perspective and understanding our emotions and issues in a better way. Just for the fact you started to think about this, and started writing it down, I think you are already doing a great job!

It’s so cool you got to play bowling with your dad and his friends. I am sure it will be a great memory ❤️

Accountability for Saturday, August 10th

The best days are the ones where you’ve got nothing to say!

Just a thought for @enigmaticOcean8813 I hope he’s doing well

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Awesome! No news is good news!

I'm not sure if we can post pictures here, but if you have any photos from your kayaking trip of the lake/sky those would be great to see!

Unfortunately I don’t have any, since I was afraid my phone would fall in the lake 😂 which would have been a signature turtle move, since my phone falls from my hands several times a day 😂😂😂

@Turtle, I remember going snorkeling in Jamaica some years ago and finding waterproof cases for phones that would go over your neck. Great way to take pictures and no chance of losing the phone. Fancy all-in-one bags, but they did the trick.

I like that line @Turtle. Nothing to say. Actually minutes to say here but we have been so busy getting our house ready to sell. That's why I have been so absent.

Thank you for the thoughts, @Turtle. We have been so consumed with selling our house that my things has been limited. Fasting has been c going j ok. More to follow..

August 10

A beautiful day today! I did not have anything "planned" which is good and bad. Good in that I can feel relaxed and do things I'd like, bad in that boredom/temptation sometimes creep in. I had my AM workout/run, and then went to a local cafe to sit outside and read. The weather was just perfect.

Came home for lunch and watched a show afterwards. Then went out and cleaned the inside/outside of my car. Cleaning always seems to help me feel satisfaction and keeps me busy. 

I took a little walk, but didn't do my exercise snack. I did not quite feel like it, and I'm trying to keep quieting my "I'm not good enough" brain down. I had a longer run in the AM, did some extra movement walking and cleaning, and really should not feel any shame about the day. I did not feel too bad at skipping this.

Meals were healthy and I'm hoping to continue to just "quiet" down my ED brain that says I'm not good enough, didn't exercise enough, etc.

Overall, it was a pleasant day!

@Phoenix22k, good for you and good motivation for us!!! quieting the ED brain is tough.  What I read in all of the accountability reports are my struggles too.

I wonder if a mindfulness approach is better for me.  Acknowledge the presence of ED brain, don't pass judgement and let it go by. Like water going around rocks.

It may be time to return to a meditation practice.

@Phoenix, your excellent post really got me thinking how to manage ED brain.

BUT today is my birthday and my daughter-in-law and granddaughter are coming for lunch inn a couple of hours.   I PROMISE a report tonight.

Happy Birthday Ocean!!! 🥳

Hope you have a wonderful day and that you’ll enjoy your lunch with your family. You deserve it!

Sending love!!!

@enigmaticOcean8813

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope it was a great day for you!

I appreciate your feedback and kind words as well. I have delved into the meditation world as well, and actually have started taking 15 minutes before dinner to "calm" myself and meditate. I set a timer on my phone and basically just do breathwork. I also had some training in yoga that helped get me a basis to start.

There are some great apps out there with guided meditations that help. Not sure if it will come up or not but Buddify is a wonderful free one that has a variety of guided meditations.

I have tried therapy for my challenges, but have not found the right fit. I am also stubborn and feel like this is something I should be able to do on my own... but know that it would likely be helpful.