bulemia????

You have shown an enormous amount of strength in both your actions and your posting here. I hope someone else here has better advice more specific to the hurdles you are facing.

Be patient with yourself. Show yourself loving kindness. Don't worry if you stumble and fall while on your path. We all do. Re-orient yourself and get back up.

You are unique. You have unique experiences. You are important.

@Sarzgb - I am so sorry that you are struggling so much right now, but I agree with Jeff that even just opening up here is a huge and brave step. Unfortunately, one of the hardest things about eating disorders is that they can lurk in the background while you're in recovery and then jump back out when you're a little vulnerable or morph from restricting to purging to binging and back again.

That said, it sounds like you made a lot of amazing progress before, when coming back from your earlier restriction. I can tell you from experience that having made all of that progress once really does make it easier the next time around to get back there. It's never simple, but you have already learned a lot of the recovery techniques that will help you again.

It can be hard to be motivated to break the cycle, but it might help to think about the time you were eating more normally, etc. How did you feel when you were in that stage? Did you feel more comfortable with yourself, happier or less stressed? What do you think helped you move in that direction before? Were there any coping mechanisms that you developed in that time that helped you deal with the emotions that make you want to restrict or purge?

It may also help to talk to someone about what's going on. If you don't feel like your parents are the right people, do you have a friend you could talk to, or a counselor at school? Even looking for a teen listener on this site who has experience with eating disorders might really help to process where you're at and think about what your next steps are.

Take care, and stay strong. You have so much more courage and strength than you realize, and those will help you through this. <3

Thanks so much!! Its really nice to know that i have this place where i can turn to for help! Especially since i cant turn to anyone else since i do not want my family finding out about this. I want to beat this without their knowledge.
The thing is i dont remember how i stopped last time! And the scary thing is i wish i had the same control now that i used to have that i could just not eat and be okay like that! I hate this feeling of having no control and that when i eat i feel i have to purge everything!!! And when i cant i just get paranoid that i gained weight not eating repeating the cycle!!
The one thing i am proud about is that last night after i purged i ate again and then i was about to repurge when i stopped myself and left the bathroom. Im just nervous that when i go on the scale tomorrow I'm going to have gained weight and will end up purging again! And i just want to stop!! It is so time consuming! And it doesnt even help me lose woeght!! And my face looks puffier!! Uugh so frustrating! Thanks for your time!

Stopping yourself from purging a second time is a huge step, and one that you absolutely should be proud of! Recovery isn't easy, but you are strong and capable and you can do it. Focus on one day at a time, making the best decision you can in any given moment, but forgiving yourself when you slip.

And I think talking to people here will help a lot. There are lots of great listeners who would love to support you, and they can help you feel less alone / distract you when you just need someone to talk to while you try to lose the urge to purge. Good luck!