Do any of you ever feel like you're just going in circles?

When it comes to any hurtle or issue that a person is facing, there always comes a point where you feel like ugh I feel like I'm running in circles. Will I ever be fixed? Will I ever come out of this whole and hale. And the answer is yes, in time and no, not the way we expect. We're human. We will always be a work in progress. There is no fixed point and we will never be 100% perfect/fixed. And that is a beautiful thing because we learn empathy and we learn strength and we have room to grow and change. The fact that you are even expressing yourself is a sign of change and growth and maturity, no? What you see as running in circles, is really you going what is the next step to my recovery, my growth, my action to be a beautiful human.

I've felt like this too. I get to the mindset that I want to be better and healthy not only for myself but for my family and friends then there are those times where I just want to let it fully consume me because I wish that I was skinner and more confident in my skin. With each day of recovery it puts me back on track that maybe this is how I was built. I won't lie I compare myself to others and wished I was thin like them, but I think being healthy and staying strong is what I need the most and trying to find other ways to lose weight instead of damaging my body.

@AlwaysUpFromHere I've felt like that before. I've been recovered for 7.5 years, self-recovered, and I feel like I've gone in many circles. I've tried one path of health/nutrition/exercise, come back away from it, tried another, come away from that, etc. I'm still trying to figure out what "healthy" means. There are still different days that I want different things. Some days, I want to not care what my body looks like and just eat what I want to. Other days, I want the type of health that looks good and feels good too. Some days, I want to eat "normally" and eat any type of food, like "normal" people do. Other days, I think that certain foods and food groups really do affect me negatively, and I want to avoid them, even though it means a bit more social awkwardness. Often, I am not sure whether I ever recovered and I get confused.

I've felt like this for a while now, like I'm just stuck in a cycle of recovery/lapse. However, if I look back on it and am completely honest with myself, I have made lots of progress. It's just taken 3 years to make that progress, so it has been very slow. My binges are no longer as big and I don't purge as often. It's been so gradual I almost didn't notice there was a change, but looking back things are a lot different. I also no longer am trying to lose weight or diet, and I'm weight-restored now instead of being underweight. I don't abuse laxatives anymore either which is a huge deal for me. Sure I still binge and purge at least once a week, but it is definitely more confined. I still suffer, but at least I have more good moments in between. I think as long as you keep plugging away at recovery, you can begin to slowly break the cycle. I really believe it is possible :)