I lost myself
I have big issues with my body, it started because my ex cheated on me, telling me that I was too skinny, telling all our friends how small breasts are, how perfect the other one was. My whole life I was fine with how my body looked like, I was skinny, but I loved myself. Now I have issues with wanting to gain weight my mindset changed. I try to gain weight, forcing myself to eat as much as possible without even having appetite. My motivation is always thinking about that traumatic moment, knowing that I'm too skinny, that others are perfect. Sometimes I feel like crying idk. It sucks having those issues. I just want to love myself again. But the things he said, the fact that all my friends will look at me knowing that I'm too skinny. I gained weight, but I'm very strict with myself, I would workout until my body hurts. I took pictures of my body to stay realistic and see my progress. I never had issues like that with my body.
Self pitying is the worst thing we could do with ourselves. I have spent my half life in losing weight but it would only make my life miserable & not a inch shredded. When I got married I gained even more weight because of Hormonal changes. I feel even more depressed then constantly the thought of gaining more weight on pregnancy would kill me but when I just focused on having good Nutritional diet instead of gaining I was just same from where I started. Having a mindful diet & making peace with what I am lead me to a better life & a better person.
Wow hes actually the worst, he clearly cant understand how being a female works not everyone is the same or needs to be in his words "perfect" which is probably the fakest you can be in male perspective, i'm sorry you went through that, but please if you want to gain weight do it for you not for others and especially not with him in mind, i'm sure your amazing just the way you are being "skinny" or being "big" shouldnt matter there both great and if you do want to gain you'll feel alot better know that this is what you wanted while you progress gaining more confidence and I would also talk to the friends about it if you feel there looking like that, or find better friends and it's also ok if you want to gain but do it in a safe way having good nutrition a safe workout schedule bc you can really damage yourself, maybe listen to confidence affirmations and have a good mindset, I believe you can love yourself and you should no matter what, remember do it for YOU not for that jerk or anyone else.
