Binge Eating - Daily Blog Entry

I have been an emotional overeater since my early teens, have had BED since my first diet around this same time where i shed 20kg. Since then i've been mostly overweight, except for a few dieting wins which if you strung them all together would have given me a total of 6 months at a normal weight.

I had an unsuportive time growing up in those teenage years and i think i turned to binging as i felt there was no real adult support. I've never been very sucessfull at talking to people and struggle to trust people enough to talk about anything with real depth. Now i find it hard to process any feelings without food. I eat because i'm happy, sad, stressed.

I have a young son, and i want be a good example for him. I just don't have any confidence in managing my illness. I feel so unhappy and miserable in myself i know i have to get some weight off and find a way to live that offers me some peace. How do i reverse 17 years of emotional eating.

I have been to OA and found that wasn't for me and tried other forums but i find them too difficult to use.

I'm a binge eater. I use to purge but haven't in a year. but I've gained 50+ lbs from binging and I hate myself for it. I hate my stretch marks and stomach and face.

Im in university and Im 23. I'm exhausted fighting myself and my depression,anxiety and ADHD. whats the point of eating anymore? I haven't eaten anythign to day and im sort of proud of it. but i know that will put my body into starvation mode and make me gain MORE weight. and Im just so tired.

Hey folks

Thanks for your support. I haven't been back for a bit as usual i put everyone else first.

I am putting on so much weight, binging has been out of control of late and i know if i don'r do something about it i will just get bigger and bigger. On top of that i have done something to my back and am in alot of pain.

This is how badly this disease affects your brain, i spend my days wishing i could trade emotional binge eating for alocoholism or Annorexia (excuse my poor spelling) because then people could see i had an illness.

This is my first day that i haven't binged, but it has been a white knuckle ride and have felt like giving in coutless times. Lets just hope i don't go and screw it up.

So this will be my third day without binging, if i make it through. I am hungry, and i am craving all sorts of junk.

I just hope i can continue to make good decisions and not let stress compel me to eat. For me bingeing is like timeout. Most of the time i am busy rushing around, stressed out and when i binge i become vacant and my mind goes completely blank. It is almost tranquil.

I've never been any good at discussing problems with people. I am quite introverted and don't make friends easily and when i do i hold them to a high standard which most people fall short of. So food has become something that fills that emotional gap.

Well i survived yesterday without binging. Today is my fourth day on the wagon. I realize how much of my day has been filled in by binging. The real challenge is finding areas to channel negative feelings and other ways to experience joy. Food seems to be the antidote for everything. There is a very sensible, practical side of me that knows what i'm doing is destructive and stems from my lack of support and difficulties i have experienced in my childhood. But yet when things become overwhelming i still go hunting through the cupboards and fridge, stuffing my face in record time with the most unhealthiest food items i can find. My aim is to try and be as accountable for my actions as possible, and to take one day, one hour, one minute at a time if need be. On my worst days i may have to come on here several times in the day to try and beat the demon back into submission.