starting again

Due to growing up poor, I didn't est much as a kid. Because of that and other stressors, I became anorexic fairly young. It lasted until my first pregnancy, when I force myself to eat for the baby. I lost the weight s couple months after birth.

The second pregnancy brought all new stressors, and, instead of starving myself, I ate ALL the things. When my dad passed away, the binging got worse.

I never became what is considered obese, but any extra weight on my petite frame looks like a lot.

The depression I've been in (this time around) has lasted almost a year straight. The last two months or so have been especially hard, and I've recently lost [edited for weight specifics / triggers by forum mentor] pounds. I realized I'd go through most days just eating a spoon of peanut butter and raisins. I still have [edited] pounds I could lose before it became a worry, but I don't want to slip into that mindset again, no matter how much I want to get thinner.

Of course, at the same time, it feels like something I could be in control of, again, since everything else in my life is spiraling out of my hands.