starting again
Due to growing up poor, I didn't est much as a kid. Because of that and other stressors, I became anorexic fairly young. It lasted until my first pregnancy, when I force myself to eat for the baby. I lost the weight s couple months after birth.
The second pregnancy brought all new stressors, and, instead of starving myself, I ate ALL the things. When my dad passed away, the binging got worse.
I never became what is considered obese, but any extra weight on my petite frame looks like a lot.
The depression I've been in (this time around) has lasted almost a year straight. The last two months or so have been especially hard, and I've recently lost [edited for weight specifics / triggers by forum mentor] pounds. I realized I'd go through most days just eating a spoon of peanut butter and raisins. I still have [edited] pounds I could lose before it became a worry, but I don't want to slip into that mindset again, no matter how much I want to get thinner.
Of course, at the same time, it feels like something I could be in control of, again, since everything else in my life is spiraling out of my hands.
@findingNiko - Believe me, I know all too well the temptation of pulling back into control on something like this. But what's important to remember is that no matter how tempting losing weight is, you don't want to go back to where you were. The pain you suffered through that is not something you would wish on anyone else.
Instead, is there a way that you can get back to eating a healthy amount and if you want to lose weight, work with a trainer and/or nutritionist to ensure you're doing it in a healthy manner and not slipping back into your eating disorder? Is there anyone you can talk to about what's going on to help you stay where you want to be?
Take care and don't hesitate to reach out if I can help support you.
