i can’t stop myself TW

i hate this disease. that's probably the most obvious opener, but that's what's on my mind. i've only had anorexia for two years, but it's already made me so ridiculously miserable. i don't lose weight. i want to, i don't eat at all, i'm trying, but i'm still just underweight. my waist is huge and i just can't stand myself. this body dysmorphia keeps changing me and who i am and who i want to be and i wish it would stop. anyone else know what i mean? bc i feel so alone in this fight. if you do know what i mean, i'm so sorry, bc this is hell and i wouldn't wish it on anyone.