Struggling to gain weight
Hey, I've been struggling with anorexia for four years now and really I've tried to gain weight but lately I'm never hungry and I keep losing weight. My whole family is angry with me and constantly shouting about it. I am so terrified of gaining weight but I know that I need to and don't know how. Please help?
Hi @JustMeHopeful
I don't have anorexia myself but I have struggled with gaining weight my whole life and can relate to not feeling hungry! And gagging when trying to eat even the smallest bits of food.
Although you've acknowledged that it's the best thing to do to live a healthier lifestyle, it seems like you're family don't seem so supportive, as they're still nagging at you rather than encouraging you and helping you along the way.
Could it be that you one of the reasons you don't feel hungry is because you feel anxious, because even though you are choosing to get better, in your families' eyes it's still not good enough?
In my experience I was nagged at constantly growing up and even now in adulthood I still get comments now and again about my weight. Because meal time meant nag-time it automatically made me dread eating and in-turn caused me to lose my appetite , even though I didn't feel hungry to begin with - it definitely made me feel worse
Is there anything your family could do to help encourage you?
Although I assume you have been diagnosed with anorexia, and anorexia itself causes anxiety which can naturally make you feel full when you haven't eaten. I wonder if there may be an additional reason behind not being able to gain weight. I did some research myself as I have the same problem and I found a condition that causes your stomach to digest food more slowly than usual. Which means eating big meals can cause you to not want to eat again for hours and hours, where as the majority of people tend to get hungry every 3-4 hours.
It could be worth speaking to a doctor to rule out any other underlining conditions, they may also offer to refer you to have counselling (depending on your country/state)
I wish you the best on your weight gain journey
Hey there @TheHepfulNinja,
You make excellent points and seem to understand my situation exactly, especially the meal time nag time.
I've spoken to doctors in the past but it hasn't really helped.
@JustMeHopeful
👋
Hm doctors can be so annoying!
It might not work for everyone, but have you tried eating small meals. Sometimes it works for me. Also even though it's a little risky because of already being underweight; I go for a little jog (though I admit I haven't been on one for months!)
It builds an appetite for me slightly.
@TheHepfulNinja
I'll try smaller meals, that's definitely better than not eating at all.
I tend to exercise a lot. I'm a long distance runner and do a lot of different sports. Though none of the exercise makes me hungry. 😅
@JustMeHopeful
Ohh so in theory then you're essentially losing more weight than your gaining because of excerise, burning more calories than you are eating
I wanted to be a short distance runner at one time - silly idea really as I would of been better suited for long distance 😂
Hey there!
From what I understand, the brain stops sending hunger signals to the body when it has been in a long state of starvation or malnourishment, and factors like stress or nutritional deficiencies can change how the brain processes things. Personally, I lose my appetite when incredibly stressed and tend to get distracted by other things which leads to me procrastinating meals or skipping them altogether. Increasing the time in between meals/snacks or having a very inconsistent eating schedule can also cause the metabolism to slow, which is likely why you aren't feeling hungry.
In my recovery from my ED, something that helped me get my hunger cues back was eating at the same time everyday. Some people do really well with meal plans and knowing they are meeting their daily nutrition goals, but I found restricting myself to a rigid schedule and knowing calories/other nutrition facts was triggering. Instead, I challenged myself to incorporate comfort foods as well as some fear foods into my meals. I watched other people portion their food to get a better sense of an appropriate amount of food instead of measuring my own. Any time I actually was hungry, I honored that hunger and gave my body what it was telling me it needed. After doing this for so long, my body began to trust me to provide it nourishment. It no longer has to suppress pangs of hunger (in attempts to avoid pain) because it knows I will give it what it needs when it asks for it.
@pocoapoco
Thank you, I will try the things you said.
I also tend to procrastinate terribly. So hopefully a nice schedule will help me.
Though I guess a big fear I also have is, how will I know when I've gained enough weight? How will I know if I get too massive? I don't want to be massive.
@JustMeHopeful
There is no such thing as being "too massive" or having gained "enough" weight. The way we talk to ourselves and healing our relationship with food is what matters most. Your body isn't meant to fit an ideal, and the thing you deserve most is to appreciate and respect your body for what it does for you, regardless of looks or size. Our society that drowns us in diet culture and disordered, harmful trends has lied to us. We don't need to look a certain way, be a certain weight to be healthy. Healthy can start now by changing how you think. We can try to achieve a certain body all we want, expecting our physical condition to somehow make us happy, but the longer we chase a fantasy, the farther away we get from living a life of freedom.
What has helped me a lot is using words of affirmation. Every day I tell myself things like "I am powerful" or "I am in control," and although it may sound silly, like "why am I telling myself these things?", it can be incredibly helpful. Consistently being nice to yourself engaging in more positive self-talk can help boost your self esteem and feelings of self worth. For too long, I was so focused on achieving a "goal weight" for recovery, and all it did was make my problems worse. It was miserable, trying so hard to force myself better, but once I started being more compassionate and forgiving with myself, I started to notice progress. I put less emphasis on my physical attributes and more emphasis on how I actually felt. Healing my emotions helped me heal my body.
Another thing that has helped me was watching videos of people that understand the struggles EDs give you. A YouTuber I really like is Ro Mitchell. I found her content to be very insightful and sensitive, and she documents her recovery in a healthy, nontoxic way. She tries really hard to use positive language and stay away from things that could be triggering for the viewer, and watching her made me feel like I was healing along with her.
I guess to summarize, striving to look a certain way and expecting mental wellness when you reach that goal is unrealistic. Your body works so incredibly hard to keep you alive, and it deserves respect as soon as you are ready to give it, no matter how much you may dislike it. There is much more to you than physical appearances, and understanding and believing that is a big step to a successful recovery. You should be able to appreciate yourself and value your own worth regardless of what stage of recovery you are in.
I am struggling with the same problem