How to Deal With Recovery...
I am finding it hard to have everything about my food controlled and knowing it wont stop until i gave gained 10 kg (aprox 20 pounds). I am pretending to be happy and pretending that it doesn't bother me but in reality I am just counting down the time until I can leave home and be in charge of my own life again - this means restricting...
I understand completely what you mean😧
@Shadowgirl92 - I feel like I don't have anorexia anymore but I know that I am lying to myself. I have to go to an ED specialist with my mom every week and also to my GP but i feel like all of these "rules" are making everything worse and harder for me to recover. Also, when i had to start going to the ED lady, I had to stop going to my clinical psychologist and now my anxiety is getting so much worse and it is impacting everything in my life from my socialising to school and to my exams. I feel like I need to get out but I know that my only option is to continue on with recovery with the ED specialist.
What do you think I should do?
Recovery is very challenging and I'm so proud of you for going through with it. But you seem to be going through a relapse which deeply troubles me. Seeing your suffering makes me so sad because I am going through an eating disorder myself, so I know how hard it is. I know you feel insecure, like you have to lose weight, but why do you have to?
The number on the scale says nothing about your personality, self-worth, etc. It dictates your relationship with gravity. Here's a quote: "I am not pretty or beautiful, but I am the best."
That quote has given me so much inspiration to keep going with recovery. If you ever want to talk, just remember that no decent person on this site will judge you. We're all suffering here, right?
Best of luck with recovery and I hope that this relapse doesn't put you in danger.
-Oli <3
@aalexana12 - I'm glad that you are in treatment for your eating disorder, but it sounds like you're struggling, being away from your previous therapist. Is there a way to work with both the specialist and the person you were with before? Or are there elements of what was helpful with that person that you could ask your current specialist to incorporate?
I can definitely understand finding the rules a bit triggering, and it's important to share that with your current treatment team to see if there are ways to make it work better for you while still moving forward in your recovery. For instance, I know some people do better working on an exchange-based meal plan because it feels like a little more control over choices, while still ensuring proper nutrition.
If you need to talk to someone else about this, you can always PM me. Take care and stay strong - you can survive this and come out stronger, healthier, and happier on the other side.
