Hospitalization
On November 10th 2018, I was admitted to an eating disorder unit for the very first time. I was terrified. Up until a week before that, I didnt even think I came close to needing that kind of treatment. I was the only 16 year old on the unit. There was a girl who was 13 (my roommate), but everyone else was 17 and up.
My first night consisted of me crying because of much I missed my family and my own bed. The mattresses were firm and my shower was cold. I was stubborn with the process and refused to listen or do as my nutritionist told me to do. I had blood drawn almost every morning. My arms were covered in bruises that refused to heal.
I finally decided to submit to the staff when my nutritionist decided to start using scare tactics to get me to behave. I was supposed to be discharged after a week of being there, but my depression started hitting me hard and I wanted to self harm. I started noticing the differences in my body and it caused many breakdowns. I ended up being in the unit for 3 weeks exactly.
I know that inpatient sounds terrifying and awful and just blah. But if you need it, you have to go. You need to trust the system. I know your eating disorder thoughts make it hard to put your faith in someone telling you to do everything your mind has trained you not to do, but its literally life or death. Its not going to be easy, especially if hospitalization is the direction youre going, but you will be okay. You can get through this❤️
@ArchiveCold That was a good post! Maybe it will make the first hospitalizing less hard for first-timers. I really hope it will, bc my first hospitalizing was crazy scary.
At first, when I was hospitalized, I ate even less than I did at home, and it was easier bc I couldn't get food any time I wanted. So I stopped to eat all together. But little by little I started drinking nutridrinks instead of eating, and it made calories a bit easier for me. It's easier for me to drink my calories than eating food. So I began drinking my calories and what I needed.
But then they wanted me to eat solid food, and it didn't go very well at all. I couldn't eat it. I had a woman from the personale sitting with me at every meal, and she talked to me, so I didn't have to just sit and look at the food for an hour to give up after that. I started eating little by little, and my trigger thoughts was still there, which made eating really hard. They never worked with my thought though. They just wanted me to eat, I guess, bc I wasn't eating at all. I was only drinking diet coke.
But I ended up eating a little, and after that I just ate that, and that was that. I guess. Now I'm back with my eating disorder, and they don't wanna help me, the ED centers. Guess it's bc I'm too unstable. I restrict and fast, and then I binge big time. Guess I should "just" stop eating all together to get the help I need.
