Can't Make or Keep Friends
So, ever since I started going to school when I was 4, I’ve always had trouble making and/or keeping friends, due to my Autism and ADHD making me, well, eccentric. I was always bullied and never really embraced by anyone. Going into middle/high school most of my friends were online. Those would come and go, too, but I’ve kept a few that I adore. Now fast forward, I’ve move to another state and it’s gotten ten times worse. Everyone’s drifted away due to the fact they put their other friends on a pedestal (even when they don’t deserve it). I have tried so, so, so hard to make friends here. Regardless of my Autism/previous social anxiety, ever since I turned 18 and started college, I decided to put myself out of there. Either we’ll hang out once and they’ll never/rarely speak to me again. Use me for money or as a therapist. Etc. I have ONE good friend in a different state that actually makes me feel cared about and that’s it. But it’s not the same. I’ve talked to a few others that seem great, but due to chronic illness I’ve developed, as well as work, it just hasn’t worked out. I’m at my wits end with loneliness and idk what to do anymore. I’ve tried Bumble BFF, just trying to socialize in person, MeetUp, etc. Nothing works. I’m even going to a concert and a comedy show on my own this Fall to see how it goes, but I’m not hopeful. I’m still going to try my best, but I’m tired of seeing everyone else with great friend groups or making friends so easily, but me not being able to.
@TheBPDBaddie
Hi baddie.
I'm glad you're here at 7Cups. I joined the sharing circle here for some months and very many persons there are lonely, and that is sad.
I wish the best for you.
@TheBPDBaddie
I can empathize with this. I’ve been dealing with ADHD my entire life, and recently, it looks like some form of autism has also been hiding in the background. I am often eccentric and impulsive in my interactions with others, which can be off-putting for many. I go through phases of putting myself out there and then hiding from the world when it gets too much.
Most of my friends are NT’s (people who think normally) who happen to share an interest. I don’t have any close friends, but I have a friend to play video games with, a friend to discuss creative writing with, a friend to talk about computer-networking (my profession), etc… They’re mostly living far away now though.
We recently had to move to a different state for my son’s medical treatment, and it has been hard starting all over and being vulnerable. Sometimes I meet someone and things are going well, then I will say or do something and realize it was too weird from the look in their eyes. Then I get to obsess about it for days, wondering if I’ve just screwed things up.
One of the primary reasons I created an account here was just to see if there were others like me, and maybe just to feel a little less alone. The overwhelming sense of loneliness is awful. There have been nights where I find an isolated place and literally cry (which is super embarrassing, even if I don’t let anyone else see). I hate that you are going through similar pain, but I hope that this post helps you to feel a little less alone in the world.
@NeuroMisfit Yes, exactly! I feel like that's what drives people away, too. It sucks. Us Autistics/ADHDs definitely have the potential of draining our social battery from putting ourselves out there, unfortunately. So I completely understand where you're coming from with that!
I'm glad you have friends, even if they are far away! I completely understand if you're like me, who is yearning for an in person connection, though.
Ugh, moving out of state takes such a strong emotional/mental toll on you it's not even funny! I'm so sorry you have had to deal with starting over, too. It's harder for people like us, having the change in surroundings and people. It's so understandable to overthink things you've said, though. Especially if the person you just hung out with suddenly goes ghost. Very valid and I do the exact same.
I created mine for the same reason! I really hope that the site has been helping you! It's sadly too early to tell for me. Loneliness is definitely such a horrible feeling that just leaves you feeling almost hopeless that it'll never end. That's not embarrassing to cry, though! It's important to allow those feelings to come out. Honestly, the pain is an "it is what it is" situation for me at this point, but this post definitely helped me feel less alone! Thank you for taking the time to reply! ❤️
@TheBPDBaddie I know how this feels, being lonely. I've been lonely for two years and felt like I am always ignored. I feel envy for people who do have a good friendship at school and I just want that love, people that actually care for me, people who I dont feel like im talking to myself with. Being/feeling lonely sucks, it does indeed.
I lost my childhood best friend since elementary two years ago due to friend drama and I've been lonely ever since. I do have one friend, but he doesnt really show it when I vent...
I understand your pain. Time is key. I hope we find the people we're looking for <3 in time.
:.)
@AliWriter I am so sorry that you know how it feels, I wouldn't wish on anybody, truly! I understand feeling ignored, and it's just one of the worst things ever. It's so valid to feel envy for people who have great friend groups. We yearn for something that we're scared we won't have again, and it's hurtful.
I'm so sorry that friend drama tore you guys apart! That can be extremely hard to deal with. But your last sentence is unfortunately one I relate to the most, I'm recently going through something similar with one of my friends. I'm tempted to cut them off, sadly, as I dont have a lot of friends to begin with, as I stated. I really do hope we find the people we need, we deserve that!
@TheBPDBaddie I’ve learned a lot on my experience.
If you are feeling like the friends or people you have are not a good example for you, just get rid of them. No one should be treated unvalid and harmed. I saw this post just now that says,
“Being alone is a powerful thing. You can focus on yourself. You realize what matters to you. Realize what you’re passionate about. And the only person you have to answer to is yourself.” :).
wishing you great luck 🍀:D.