Exhaustion....I'm so tired.*unedited*

I could ramble on about my situation and maybe another day I will but I'm just really tired. I'm autistic, have FND and mental health issues that make me disabled and unable to work. I'm struggling to care for myself and barely function but also I've been caring for my sister the past few months who is also disabled and is currently having a stomach issue that we've had to fight so hard just to get her care when it really shouldn't be this *** difficult.

I'm angry today.

And I feel really alone and I'm trying my very very hardest to stay positive and keep going in hopes that things will feel easier later. Unfortunately I don't think that's the case.

I have to work at some point. I have no *** idea how I'm going to do that. My parents don't seem to like me because they never talk to me even though we live in the same *** house and maybe just maybe if they weren't stupid they'd realize that if they just talked to me and helped me and guided me....maybe our relationship wouldn't be so strained.

They've traumatized me so bad but at least we all can agree on maintaining basic survival. Just never emotional support I guess. CaUse I'm aN AdUlt nOw🙄

Anyway I have no friends...am queer and disabled and already burnt out. Correction have BEEN burnt out my entire life but it only gets worse each year. I've gone through different traumas in my life and am somehow expected to suck it up despite my chronic exhaustion and "fix myself" because there is no other way other than just dealing with it.

I'm sorry. I'm not usually so pessimistic I'm just really tired and it's late and I could really really use a hug right now. I wish I was close to literally ONE person outside of all of this. That would make a world of difference I think. But instead I'm stuck desperately trying to comfort myself but as the years pass it feels like nothing truly works and the isolation and loneliness digs deeper into my chest.

Was that darkly poetic? Lmao anyway I'm not gonna leave it on a horrible note. Here's three positives:

-I was brave and started therapy

-I was brave and made an appointment to talk about trying anxiety meds(I've never had meds before so I'm scared)

-My sister isn't in immediate health danger even if the situation is truly awful and not resolved yet. She's technically doing okay and we have time to figure it out.

Try again tomorrow....I'm just angry today. Goodnight.❤️