How Can I Process The Things She Says?
my entire life, ive suffered with chronic pain. i was officially diagnosed at 13 with ehlers-danlossyndrome and fibromyalgia. my parents have taken care of me and still do even though im at the age of 19.
i am so thankful for them. i really am and i tell them every chance i get. i dont expect anyone like me ever, so every little thing means the world to me. but every once in a while, conflict happens and when my mom gets completely fed up, she'll say things like "what did i do to deserve a life like this" and "we cant afford your medical bills."
it really hurts, no matter how i think about it. it just stresses me out and makes me anxious beyond belief.
@lucyxyyvan
Hey there. While I can't say I know exactly what you're going through, I do understand family tensions easily rising because of medical bills.
I'm sorry to hear that your mom sometimes ends up saying hurtful things to you in the heat of the moment. However, I think it's important to remember that she can get stressed, frustrated, and nervous too, and this seems to be her outlet (or at least a part of it). I'm not saying that her particular method of coping with stress is a good one, but hopefully it might ease some of your suffering and anxiety to know that it's not aimed at you personally.
For example, in a world where no medical bills existed, would your mom still yell at you? My guess is probably not (just based on your given examples here). And based on your description of your family, I'm pretty sure your mom still loves you and wants to help you as best she can. But the added stressors cause the disharmony, not you.
I hope this helps!
@lucyxyyvan
I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through that. I understand that sometimes families can have conflict and tensions arise. I know how upsetting and hurtful it is to hear your mom say things like that, but it seems that her anger is directed towards the medical bills, rather than you. Your mom clearly loves you and has been extremely helpful. Maybe you should try talking to her and telling her how you're feeling to get a clearer understanding of what she means when she says that. That might help you :)
@lucyxyyvan, although i have never walked in your shoes or may not understand the pain and guilt you feel, I am so sorry to hear of your situation, Sad indeed, I am sorry you witness your mom's hurtful words, but i am sure she loves you and you do mean the world to her. :)
@lucyxyyvan
Hi. I am very sorry for those words. I can imagine your family gets stressed. I can imagine you get stressed. You shouldnt have to hear those words being said. I would imagine she doesnt mean it the way it is said BUT I imagine it is none the less hurtful. I am sure you imagine your life differnt at times, we all do. Sometimes life doesnt hand us what we had planned. Can you tell your mom how those statements make you feel? Maybe telling her that you love her, apprecaite her and understand that she is stressed first...