fighting depression

hi my name is porsche and i suffer from depression , most days are bad very few are good ,i have a very bad hildhood past and abuse, followed by a more physical abuse by an ex as i became a grown woman ,and neglet, and drugs , ive been through alot and still to this day have not found a solution to fix this , its hard for me to let go of my past and to move forward to the future , its hard to get out of bed ,i stay in the dark alot in my room loud music , just let my thoughts pile up is not good thats when i do things to myself that i regret in the end and cant take back , but it hard to let go of the abuse , the rape, the neglet, the drugs , its hard to erase the past and move forward and that is my downfall , i hope to get better and have a clear mind i do pray that my life will change ,i have been dealing with depression for 15 years and i 28 , the mind is a powerful thing ...........