Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain
Pardon if I steal a line from a movie...Please...
You looked.😊 Well, since you looked. I'm PapaJeff. I've been in therapy and on meds for major depressive disorder and anxiety for a good 30 years now. I was raised in what appeared on the outside to be the perfect family (during the 60-70s). Mom and Dad, three daughters, and one son. All are active at church. Children are polite and well-behaved. Both parents show attention to their children.
But underneath all that was a mom who would probably be diagnosed as Bipolar today. I was the one who took the brunt of "bad Mom." I tried to protect my sisters from her wrath. I played whatever role was needed. Scapegoat, punching bag, and more. Humor seemed to help deflect and calm the wrath. So, I got to be very good at one-liners, puns, etc. I still am to this day.
I still struggle with the verbal and emotional abuse that happened. My self-confidence is rather shallow. I either come off as boisterous and funny or I try to disappear into the background. I ended up divorced three years ago because my ex did not want to see me healing and becoming my own person. So, I live alone. But I have two wonderful adult daughters, a son-in-law, and one fantastic granddaughter, who I spoil every chance I get.
I've taught middle schoolers, was a pastor, and had a bunch of different retail positions. I had major surgery back in February when they replaced my shoulder. I am still regaining strength in the arm I'm currently unemployed. The convenience store I was working at was closed permanently by the corporation. I am looking, but finding nothing but rejection. All of this is just fuel for the depression.
I am not really sure how I stumbled upon this place. Internet surfing while 3/4s asleep is not really recommended; but this time, it led to a good place, 7cups. Once I am more stable, I am interested in helping out, maybe as a listener. I did a lot of that as a pastor.
If you have reached this paragraph without falling asleep or clicking the X in the corner; thank you. I hope to get to know people here. We are in this together.
@PapaJeff59 Welcome to the you’re not Kansas anymore branch of 7Cups.
@PapaJeff59
Hope you enjoy this site it can be very cathartic even answering forum posts and reading of others who may be struggling with something like yourself....
Thank you for sharing your story, Jeff. As someone who also lives with MDD, I just want to remind you that you are not alone. The darkness does pass and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Through all of your adversities, you overcame and this too shall pass. And when all else seems bleak, remember that there is a Divine presence that always guides you. Stay well.
What a beautiful description of everything that you have been through. You are finding your way to a better place it sounds like.
Unemployment is always a really rough moment. I can imagine that it is harder as you heal. Are you looking for any jobs that are a little less physical?
What is nice about this place is that we are here to cheer you on. We know where you have been because we have been there too.
Feel free to add to this thread any time. I will be sure to answer it within 24-48 hours. @PapaJeff59
@PapaJeff59
Welcome and I definetly enjoyed your ability to apply some fun bantor to troubling times. I hope you stick around and talk more about how you are doing while adding a sense humor to appreciate.
I'm sorry to hear about your job situation. Keep us posted on that, especially if you want to talk about it, to help make it through the worrisome times.
hope to hear from you again. 😊
